Empathy, have we lost the ability???

I sit back an watch and compare what is going on now in society as a whole and compare it to the history of our world…

The master manipulators use words… be it for conversion to religion so that they may tell others how to live their lives… be it to convert a way of thinking, by using lies and falsehoods against a people of different skin color, orientation or ethnic background… Which is how the Nazis started…

These cons of the world used words to convert people to the warped way of thinking that cost millions of lives…

In the process they are tearing away our humanity and our ability to have empathy…

We have lost our ability to see anyone or anything without blinders…

An incident happened on social media, bragging about the right to be able to hit your own child… Violence is violence… I have only one regret in this life… I hit my sons… I have no other regrets with my 63 years on this planet…

I don’t like my empathy… it makes me hurt when I see things, people and animals being destroyed… just because you say you have a RIGHT…

Scientist says that it is a generational thing… I disagree… I say it’s a choice…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Pain of Disappointment…

Disappointment is part of the healing process… it was and still is part of life and then comes the word that should never go with anything, expectations…. hoping that what you are trying to convey gets heard and the message not lost in translation…

Yet, it doesn’t happen… those you want to learn the most from what you have been through turn a deaf ear… with the attitude… it will never happen to me or mine… yet with their own words it does…

Domestic violence is not confined to yelling or screaming or threatening… Domestic violence is hitting… some call it a spanking and say they have a god given right… that is the biggest load of bull shit I have ever heard…. for one thing… god is man-made and when adults lash out at people… it’s because they are to ignorant or immature to handle the situation…

My first memory on this planet was at 18 months… I was being hit because I had my hands on the front of a TV screen/cabinet…. EIGHTEEN MONTHS OLD is my first memory on this planet and it was VIOLENCE!!!

My heart races and my body shakes as I remember that time over 62 years ago….

STILL THINK ITS OKAY TO HIT A CHILD???

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

 

Seeing the backside of Depression…

Have to admit I am liking this back side of the depression journey…

I do have glimpse’s of how I felt before the Texas incident, finding those feelings and characteristics is like coming home again…

The depression will always be there… just as with addicts… the addiction will always be there… It is a never-ending struggle…

There is no quick cure, no magic pill, be it red, blue or green… and full understanding only comes with time…

My sleep is not disturbed like it was… It has settled into a pattern of normal or weird dreams and mostly sleep, which is something I truly need… sleep…

Yet I know it will rear its ugly head again… I never know what will trigger it… but as I get further into this journey and evaluating the memories I do have, I know this is nowhere near close to being over…

I think, from a shrink point of view… Acceptance has been the greatest gift I could give myself… Accept what was done, cannot be undone… What was said, cannot be unsaid… I just accept that in this life, there are just some answers that never get to be questions…

Thinking of a book title… “Connect the dots”… I am so struggling to do just that….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Self Medicate or Self Diagnose….

I may have a unique memory ability and I may have above intelligence IQ… but self medicate or self diagnose… not happening…

I respect those that worked for that college degree and license to practice medicine… Yes I have college and I have knowledge… but I am not a doctor in any shape or form…

This journey to understand what I have been made to go through and why secrets were kept is no more mystical than Harry Potter…

I endured many hours of psychological testing… very extensive testing… Not once but 6 times…

I have no ADHD or HDD or Fetal alcohol syndrome… nor do I have ANY GENETIC issues… I just under went extensive testing by the VA… saw the doctor a couple of days ago and got the results… same results I got from the military…

What happened in my parents home has nothing to do with booze or smoking cigs… It has to do with the choices they made… the desire to brain wash their children into believing in a man-made god whose stories are nothing more than stories, who beat them and manipulated them all in order to keep one secret so a man could retire from the military… It was and always has been about money…

Placing the blame on what you imagined happened keeps you from going forward… how about talking to a shrink and facing the reality of what did happen… Only then will you begin to heal… Facing the reality of what really went on in that house or any home… not what your imagination thinks went down… That is when the PTSD no longer has a hold on you…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Hawaii…

Living here has been nice… We have had company and got out and explored the island with them…

We got to go up to see the crater at the Jagger musuem and now it will be closed forever… it is sliding off into the crater, a little every day…

We opted for Hawaii because we could afford to own a home here… it’s the cheapest island to live on… it is an adjustment living mostly off grid though…

We capture our rain water and filter it and sterilize it via UV… We manage our own waste and we have no internet, except cell phone hot spot and that has gotten sketchy since we lost a tower in the lava flow…

All that being said, summer is the worse for reception and getting on line… our house is just in the right spot for lousy signal and no, there is nothing that can be done… total nerd I am, an I bought this place because of it’s location, so communication was known issue before hand…

All this mumbo jumbo being said… When my connection to the net sits and goes in circles, it’s not worth the hassle to fight to get on an I rarely go anyplace except walks, so checking thing later doesn’t happen either… 

If you want to comment on any of my blogs, it is best to do it here on Word Press… I can get into it’s server easier than I can Face Book or many other sites, because of our unique set up… I am not ignoring you if you comment on face book on my blog… but I warned people before that I can’t always see things on face book and we don’t always get emails… they or the routing gets lost in space, out of my control….

Status of the lava flow is unchanged, it has whiped out over 9,000 acres and over 500 homes… FEMA has stepped in to give assistance… but the people of Hawaii were taking care of their own on the first day of the evacuations… Hawaii the land of the Aloha spirit…

Have a great summer and hopefully when the kids start school again and the tourist slow down, my signal will improve… 

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Life with Poly Neuropathy….

This illness has been with me since I was a young person… we’ll say as early as 1968 to 78 between 13 yrs of age to 24 yrs old was when the symptoms started…

As with MS, know one knows what cause’s a person to get this illness… an my case is no different… The military doctors all got it wrong… the VA doctors ALL got it wrong and several civilian doctors got it wrong… WHY??? Because I have a TBI and did not know of the physical abuse I endured for most of my first 18 years… The only time in my life I sustained physical injuries to my body… from as early as 18 months to 18 years…

What has this to do with anything… I live with depression… Depression I didn’t understand, until I woke Nov 7, 2017… after a gunman killed 26 people in a little town in Texas… I started talking and I haven’t shut up since…

To heal from PTSD and depression, you have to address to elephant in the room, why I think the way I do and why I feel the way I feel…

I was raised in a violent christian household…. so I have no use for religion… I was raised in a house with many other people living in it… but none came forward… and I could go on an on an on… My point is this… there are always many players in our lives… but this story… this exercise is not being done for or about anyone… It’s being done by ME and for ME…

I own my life… I own my mistakes and I own my choices… not some fictional god…

I believe in me… I am telling the story about me… I chose to face the horrors that went down in that home… I chose not to buy into man-made rhetoric people hide behind called religion… I chose REALITY for my bedfellow… not man made god… I chose ME…  What you chose is your choice, your life… you have no say in mine… only my opinion matters… it is after all my world… not yours… You have to make your own world…. Reality is the Red pill… Fantasy/Religion is the Blue pill… Your choice… I chose Red…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Tortured Soul…. Not this Lifetime….

I was told that someone was sorry for me because I was tortured…??? REALLY???

Lets look at the psychology behind that thought process….

People who are dealing with clinical depression are now tortured???

People who are dealing with PTSD are now tortured???

People who are dealing with TBI are now tortured???

REALLY???

When you make this about yourself, my story gets lost in translation….

I did not nor will I ever need to sell my soul to religion to be forgiven for imagined wrongs….

I did not beat myself up…

I did not betray myself….

I did not give myself TBI….

I did not give myself PTSD….

I did give myself the power to live and fight for survival and I did it depending upon myself and not your fictitious god…

If I was a tortured soul, I would be obese, a drug addict, an alcoholic or a habitual criminal…

I am none of the above…

I laugh every day, I cry every day… I wake up thankful my body and heart are still working because I put the work into it the day before by meditating, exercising and keeping my life full of the things I want it full of, with positive light from this planet… not your man-made god…

I wake up every day an accept that I can not change what is and that some answers may never be available and that telling MY STORY is about me, no one else…

I don’t assume to know anyone else’s life or feelings or thought process, because psychic I am not nor believe in…

You want to make assumptions about my life instead of owning what you did or your participation… then look in the mirror for that tortured soul… 

My soul is just fine…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….