Silence is Deafening…

How long will the silence go on… In the 20th century it was the Jewish people who were exterminated, just because a man with a silken voice said, “believe me”, for the good of the country and the educated people of Germany proceeded to exterminate a population… that was not even a 100 years ago… and millions were murdered…

How long will the silence go on in Syria, North Korea, China, Russia, Philippines and the list just goes on…

Americans think they are in this safe cocoon of security… a false security that is being chipped away by the countries I mentioned above… because we have democracy and not dictatorship…

The pope comes on with a personal letter saying, “we abandon them”, referring to the sexual assault victims… and christians are still abandoning them… this minute, this very second… because they will not or can not believe in themselves, so they give over their children to an invisible god, so that they may be sacrificial lambs for the religion… for the adults sins… Sins the children never committed…

How long will the silence go on… Face book had multiple bogus ads running that were hate ads today… could not delete them, could not report them could not block them and could not find the ad registered as a face book user… but face book has your back… or so they thought… and I beg for people to bring it to the company’s attention… No one responded… explains why I keep my circle small… I trust few and the few I trust, I trust them even less…. Trust is earned, not given…

The next few months the color of the nation will be shown for the world to see… Are we the new Nazis’s??? or are we the beginning of the end of racism in America…

Who will you vote for; party or country… I chose country….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Crashing of Waves bring memories…

Never know what will trigger memories… learned that on Nov 7, 2017 when Big Springs, Texas came back in all its ugly glory….

With the hurricane getting closer, the cliffs and the waves crashing against them, just a mile down the road are echoing across our little part of paradise…

With every crash of the wave I felt a blow to my body… I have no clue why this one time it happened that way, do not understand the connection between the waves crashing and feeling the blows of someone beating on me… I just know it took my breath away, the memory of the assault by a parent….

It brought to mind a picture of a sibling who is about 6 yrs younger than me… the child was about 3 or 4 and another sibling had just been born… the eyes that looked back at me struck a chord, they looked like my eyes after a severe beating…

The memory is disjointed and not connected to much yet, though I know from past experience I am in for some interesting dreaming as this memory takes on a life so that it will never be forgotten… So it can be shared and just maybe the right person will read this and get help…

As the dark memories surface and I see more of my siblings in them… the more I am convinced, that I am not the only one with repressed memories… 7 children lived in that household… it is very possible that a couple of my siblings suffer trauma so great, they repressed the memory… does explain the life choices they made… they are fighting against themselves and nothing I say or do will help them….

To fix this kind of trauma, you have to be aware… you have to face the past… you have to face the truth… Hope has and always will be part of my make up… I have hope…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Russia, China or N. Korea… you can always tell…

While looking at face book, the only way I keep up with the kids… a post showed up saying it represented…”Citizens of American Republic”…

Now I don’t know about you, but that is not how we sweet ole Americans talk… in fact, I write this blog the way I do, so I can tell if anyone is plagiarizing me, including the above countries…

It’s a funny thing about intelligence… those that have top-secret clearances know not much more than those with secret clearances… but when you work with computers and were in on the ground floor in the military as a civilian, you learn a few things…

I do know that China and Russia have been into this blog and taken some of my pictures… thankfully none of the pictures are current and we have lots of other little security in place… I learned quick how to protect me and mine…

Anyway this American republic crap has foreign written all over it and there was no face book page either, so it was a planted bot trolling the internet and searching for those dumb ass’s out there that use all those goofy apps on face book and compromise their friends list… explains why I keep my contacts under 30 peeps… but I also don’t have anything identifiable at the site either… never turn your back on those countries you know intimately…. its mostly public anyway… FB that is…

So it looks like the communist are hell-bent on influencing our election and since comrade Trump has already sold our secrets to the Russians, it’s just a matter of time before all Americans have to learn to either speak Russian, Chinese or Korean… Thank you GOP for selling Americas democracy to the highest bidder… and you people elected them… no one I voted for holds office… I voted for country, not party….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Half hour later two more hate political ads showed up on face book… Could not report the ad, could not delete the ad an nothing showed up on search…. Americans are so arrogant, they will shoot off thier face before acknowledging they been had…. You really can not fix stupid… Begged my fb family to do something… I imagine the jewish people did the same….. Got zero response… Hope they remember that when they get tracking implants….

Hurricanes & Volcano’s….

When you chose to live on an active Volcano like Kilauea… you get used to it… had more quakes on Japan in the 8 years I lived there, than here….

Throw in a hurricane or two and you look forward to the rainy season, cause you know the ocean weather is slowing down… it’s only August and I yearn for the fall and end of hurricane season….

I knew what I was getting into when we moved here… but hubby had no clue and this was his choice to move here, I am along for the ride…

With all this mumbo jumbo being said, hurricane Lane is looking more like its going to hit the west side of this island and head straight for the rest of the islands… so internet, cell phones and land lines may just not be working for a few weeks if we sustain a direct hit to our link up on Oahu…

So if you see no writing, we lost our ability to communicate and are running on generators… and I will be doing a lot of cooking on our grill and no air conditioning… sounds awful, but if we are alive and breathing, I will take it…

As for life in general, this pattern of over all lousy feeling is not new, it’s very old and at least now I know it’s the neuropathy and nothing life threatening… just impacts my quality of life… and has for 58 years… okay, so I am whining… you wake up nauseated every day and see how good you feel… it does impact every aspect of my life and the biggest reason I use the pot so I don’t drop to 118 pounds again… With this pattern there is no munching at night, in fact the dogs are enjoying what is left on my plate after our meals… We had a kid back home that timed his dropping in around meal time…. his mom had been fighting and lost against cancer… Wonder how he turned out???

I am figuring it out… things to not do, so I don’t aggravate the situation and it is impacting the kind of home we buy next and the amount of land… hubby and I are most definitely feeling the impacts of our perspective issues… and slowing down was never part of our vocabulary till lately… So, concerned I am about the future impact on us in our next home and its ability to accommodate our needs as they change…

Thankfully I learned decades ago how to take on the government and other corrupt entities and we should be comfortable in our old age… I worry for those who are falling victim of this corrupt administration and what it will do to those retiring now or recently becoming disabled… and most of all, what this current administration is doing to veterans and the veterans administration… it was already a mess thanks to the Reagan era, now they are denying us care and making it even harder to get treatment… this is what North Korea and Russia and China do to its people… to see it in America is no surprise… the writing has been on the wall since I worked under Reagan… GOP won, American’s lose… especially the veterans…. 

Enough complaining about what I have no control over… the hurricane will be here soon enough…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Beautiful Day

It was a nice drive to the other side of the island, was nice having a good signal to upload some pictures as we drove across Mauna Kea… The sky was brilliant blue and when you looked south of the island you could see the storm building from hurricane Lane, which so far is going to miss us… Never dull living on Hawaii….

Though the day was gorgeous I struggled to maintain my body today… Autonomic neuropathy is an illness that makes you feel as if you are pregnant all the time with the worse kind of symptoms possible… I am hoping this is a passing phase that will back off when the weather cools to what we consider fall temperatures….

I am counting the days till we leave and I can enjoy all 4 seasons outside my front door… I have become a prisoner of air conditioning and I hate air conditioning… prefer my house open to nature….

The depression that has been with me for so long, does seem to be gone… I am sad, but not depressed… Sadness pass’, depression hangs on…. I am as active as my body allows me right now, smoking a bowl seems to help, but it also can mask the things I need to be aware of, double edge sword using it, but better than medication….

No nightmares, does not mean I am not dreaming… I am, it’s just not PTSD intense, its more of the brain relaxing its hold on my memories and it is not upsetting like it used to be… I have seen more of my childhood, but again, they are memories that I always knew about, they are just connected to the negative memories… so there is some continuity with the memories… Not as fractured as it was before I woke up Nov 7, 2017….

It’s a sobering realization that the illness that I have been fighting my whole life, was given to me by blunt force trauma by adults… that say they are christian… Never met anyone on this planet that was a true practitioner of christianity, not one human being and I have met hundreds of thousands in my travels and government jobs… Never met anyone who truly lived, breath and practiced what they believed… No one… It’s always about image and not faith….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Chief of Police offered his apology….

I have a habit of getting even through trying to use the situation as a teachable moment… and this instance in a little town in Arkansas in 2010 is just one of many funny stories across America….

A couple of tornados had gone through this little town and it caused some damage to our property… Since I knew the neighbor had issues, I checked with a lawyer before I proceeded to make sure we were in the boundary of the laws for that town and county…

Our fence had been damaged and we had asked the neighbor to move her property off of the fence so we could repair it and the next thing you know I got me one young red neck cop storming on to my property… Never found out if the neighbor an him are related but lets see if I can tell the story the way my hubby does… It goes like this….

Young officer states to husband if you lay another hand on that fence you are going to jail… husband, so if I touch MY fence you are going to arrest me… Officer, yep… Husband goes and sits down on the porch swing and smiles at me, because he knows what is going to happen to this young man, will be a life lesson he will never forget…. and he was right… as I smile at remembering…

So I waited for 24 hours to cool down and get my thoughts together and my letter to the Mayor, City Manger and Chief of Police went something like this…

Being an educated woman who has served in the US Air Force and having had the opportunity to live around this great planet and  in more than half of the states in America, the first think I do when I move some place is know the laws and rules of the county I live in…

It is my understanding that pertaining to the laws of the state of Arkansas and as it is with the U.S. Government, you have to commit a crime in order to be arrested… I was not aware that Polk county had any laws that said I could not touch the fence that was on my property and included in my survey report that is recorded with the court-house in town and is secured by a Veterans home loan, and once purchased, that I could not touch the property….

I also was not aware that I had committed any crime, yet your officer threatened to arrest my disabled husband and myself for touching our property….

That is pretty much the gist of the letter to the authorities in Polk county….

About an hour after hubby got home from dropping off those letters the chief of police showed up and this happened…

Hubby, Why sir, I tried to drop off your copy, but couldn’t find you… Chief… that’s all right Mr….. I have the Mayors copy…..

As soon as he left after he apologized up one side of me and down the other side of hubby, we laughed our ass’s off…..

Now how would that man reacted if he knew I was related to one of the most notorious families in the area…. America’s funniest home videos has nothing compared to my life….

Yes the cop was disciplined and he followed us around in his patrol car until I let the chief know, that a law suit could very easily happen for violating my civil rights and harassing the disabled…. Never saw another cop near us in that town again… and no we will never step foot in the state of Arkansas again… they can have it…

Times Up #MeToo

I Remember….