A Child’s Voice Silenced No More…

Time has passed and so has life… we have lost many in these past years… It makes you appreciate every morning you wake up, be it good or bad… You are breathing, when so many are not…

By 2010 I had the house in Arkansas sold and we had to make one trip back to get our stuff out of storage…

I stood in the kitchen of my mother’s house where dad had died and looked straight at her and said… “I am missing memory”… her reply…”there are some things best not remembered”…

How I wanted to walk across that room and grab her and shake her the way she shook that baby so long ago… How I wanted to scream you coward, you abused me, tried to kill me… because I knew your secrets…

Any love I ever felt for the woman died that day… Any remorse or guilt I had for trying to get answers flew away on the wind…

It took all the strength I had in me to leave that house and not hurt her the way she hurt Margie, a defenseless child… Yes this woman who knows her god…

As we pulled away in our heavy laden truck, my sister-in-law standing by the woman we called mom… Mother turned her back on me as we pulled away.. she told me in that moment, what I had always known… My life mattered not to her and never did… just as long as no one knew of her secrets she thought she had won…

We spent the next few years between New Mexico, our new home and Washington state… Working on the properties we invested in when the real estate market tanked… struggling to stay afloat on our fixed income and going home to Washington to see my husbands parents… and our grand kids…

Now every one is grown, the folks have left this earth and my struggle to understand what had transpired for 10 years was coming to a close…

We sold our properties in 2016… My husband in heart failure wanted to die on Hawaii, so I made it happen…

All the while I am traversing the nightly nightmares, trying to understand the dreams of violence… seeing moments frozen in time in a black and white picture…

By now I know I have PTSD, and the VA says I have an above average IQ… So I put this knowledge to work for me… I start reading and learning and talking… I start pushing for answers…

By October 2017 I was close to a breakdown… It felt so much like my mind was dissolving into total and complete chaos… So much so I had my husband see neurology for testing… Because if it wasn’t me, then it was him… his test were negative… It was me… I was at my breaking point… then it happened…

A young man named Devin, recently kicked out of the Air Force… Enraged for what he thought were injustices against him, he sought revenge… He entered a little town in Texas… walked into a church and killed 26 people, including children… He murdered these innocents on November 5, 2017…. 

Two days later Margie left her jail cell and started talking… Margie was alive once again…

Times Up #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...