Always Hungry…

Can not tell you if I was denied food… The memory goes like this…

I was hurting after another beating, do not know for sure, but believe it was mom that did the damage…

I got up in the middle of the night, climbing down the ladder of the top bunk… I got a piece of bread out of the loaf an a couple of pieces of ex-lax… 

55 years later I still get up in the middle of the night for a snack… Not because I am hungry, because of bad dreams…

It is a habit I am trying to break… A recent diagnosis may explain why I needed the ex-lax… That may require a spinal tap…

PTSD is a non stop conveyor belt of remembering the worse of what you have been through… They say with therapy you can take control… Sadly that therapy is not happening here… Not by my choice either…

It is a cathardic lesson documenting the struggle to break free of PTSD…. I so get why veterans take their own lives…

I remind myself daily, one day at a time… There is hope an that is what I cling too… Hope…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...