TBI & PTSD Meltdowns…

Never let anyone tell you that you can’t have or shouldn’t have meltdowns… Until that person or health care professional spends a week in your shoes, they are just being an ass… Just that simple…

You DO NOT need permission to get angry, you DO NOT need permission to express yourself…

But, always that little annoying word, but… YOU have to own that behavior… YOU have to be the one to apologize… YOU have to be the one that owns YOUR life, no one else…

I will be the first to admit I made millions of mistakes, okay maybe not millions, but I made my fair share of mistakes in life… Yet I owned them… didn’t matter the circumstance or the situation or the other people involved… If I was the one that screwed up, I was the one that should apologize…

Now comes the gray area of this conversation, because our circumstances are not going to be the same, maybe similar, but not the same…

Those who suffered at the hands of their parents or partner, know exactly who to blame and we know that we will never get an apology or be asked to truly forgive the ones that did so much harm to our physical form and our psychological form… Bullies and cowards never accept they did any wrong… They just accept that it was in their mind, their right… Even if they should be locked up behind bars for eternity…

Those who suffered in combat, that is such a delicate subject… Like myself you chose to put on that uniform and serve your country… Not everyone will agree with that choice and in fact some religious factions in America will tell you, you got what you deserved… There is nothing you can do about mental illness when it comes to religion… It is after all about control and fear, when religion is involved… but those who served their country, your frustration and anger at having your life taken from you is a struggle that only those who are in the mental health profession can help… Along with support from your family and friends… Some will survive to live a full life, many will not and will take said life… We did after all volunteer to wear that uniform and knew that our lives could change in an instant…

As for those in accidents, it is not much different from those in uniform or domestic violence… It’s a hard road to recovery, no matter how you look at it…

My point is this, we are entitled to our meltdowns… No one else lives in our skin except us… No one knows what goes on in our brain except us…

Some of us will accept what happened and try to make the best out of life with knowledge that it will probably always be an up hill challenge… Some of us will make it to the top of that hill, some will not…

You are entitled to have those meltdowns… it’s accepting what triggered those meltdowns and learning from them, that is when you are making real progress… That is when you feel like you are living in the world around you and participating in it… 

When you refuse to acknowledge the triggers and just give into the anger, suspicion and chaos… that is when the TBI & PTSD wins… That is when you stay a victim and not a survivor…

It will never be easy, you will not always know when the meltdown is coming… but if you are honest with yourself and acknowledge that you are only human with human feelings and emotions, you can get to the top of that hill… It takes time and it takes work… It takes honesty with yourself… Without that honesty, you will continue to repeat the behavior that is detrimental to you progressing and becoming whole again… It is after all, about choice…

I chose to eliminate the toxic people from my life, it’s a little lonely sometimes and I miss them… but they are toxic and not on this planet to live it, but to control it… I chose not to be controlled by them, fear or hate or bigotry or prejudice… I chose to be me, on my terms… If people want to be a part of my world, it’s not on their terms, it’s on mine…

There is always hope to get to the top of that hill, as long as you remember in the real world there will always be ups and downs… You just have to own your behavior and no one else’s… It is after all about your journey and your struggle to be whole again… I know, I work at it every minute of every hour of every day…

2014 May 14 - 16.11.26.89

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....