Margie’s tears are in my dreams only…

I can’t say Margie doesn’t cry… She does often in my nightmares… Those tears are old ones that dried a very long time ago… I don’t stop her from showing her emotions or crying tears of fear, she was a child at one time so very long ago… She has every right to shed those tears, I don’t…

You see the tears started at a very young age of 18 months, with the first memory of violence… that was around 1955… and those tears continued until 1972, the last time any human on this planet laid a hand on me, when dad gave me my last TBI at 17 years of age…

I only remember 2 of the attacks clearly… One in 1968, in the rice patties of Johnson AFB, off base housing, on Japan while my  brain was still healing from the 1967 attack in Big Springs, Texas… and the one in 1972 on Okinawa, in Naha AFB housing…

For Maggi to shed tears over the past only happens when the memories of what was, come out of the darkness of her mind… They are there, those dark memories, yet they are like watching a slide show or a movie in very slow motion… They are taking their time coming to light…

I have always felt them, never understood them until the VA in El Paso said I had PTSD… I knew then that I had been right to confront mom about the missing memory in 2010… Her refusal to fill me in on what happened under her watch spoke volumes of the character of the woman I once called mother… Now I see her only as the master manipulator and dad was her lackey…

As you read my story, feel pity for the children that are suffering today and have no voice… IF you see something, SAY something… It is better to turn people in and be wrong, than to ignore the signs of abuse…

Margie will heal and one day those tears will be no more… they will become a memory that can be laid to rest so that Maggi can live in the here and now… It will just take time and Maggi’s strong desire to know all, so that the nightmares haunt her no more and Margie is free of the prison not of her making…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...