TBI at the Rice Pattie’s…Japan 1968

I honestly wish I could tell you what triggered another beating… but it went down like this…

We lived in the rice patties at Johnson AFB, Japan… the walls were so thin, you could hear people outside breathing…

One day, dad came home from work, keep in mind this man is 6 ft 4 in and 250 pounds and I am 5 ft 6 in 90 pounds…

He walked in door and mother said that I deserved a beating for something I said to her… Do you know, I so wish I knew what it was I said??? Just because I opened my mouth the following happened…

He grabbed my left arm, slung me around like a rag doll, whipping my neck back and forth as if I was in an auto accident, he had his 2 in leather belt with metal buckle in his hands and he started hitting…

I remember the first couple of blows and screaming for all I was worth… not one American neighbor in the military did anything… NOT ONE!!!

Being that my brain was still healing from the crack in my skull and brain trauma in 1967… you can imagine, my brain had zero defense with this assault one year later…

For decades I had always thought I had the flu during this down time… What do I mean by that… I have no memory of us getting to Japan, I have the memory of the beating and my memories pick up with me sicker than I could remember… Only one problem, It wasn’t the flu… I had suffered another TBI at the hands of my dad… and no as far as I know I never saw a doctor… the parents kept me at home until I healed, which if my ghost of memories is correct, I was down for about 10 days…

No other siblings were sick with the flu during this time, my brain is sure of that… So I have to accept, my dad tried to kill me one more time… and this time it scared the crap out of the folks…

What gets me, NOT ONE AMERICAN SERVICE MEMBER OR FAMILY MEMBER turned them in… Not one…

I have about a dozen memories for the next couple of years… I don’t remember my 15th birthday, I don’t remember us moving on base into base housing… I don’t remember a girl who I went to school with that I am friends with on face book… I accepted her friend request only because I had her picture in my photo album… I don’t even have many memories of the first man I dated and was my first big crush… I remember his name only and a couple of dates over a years time… I don’t even remember our move to Okinawa…

So far my parents, the master manipulator mother and her lackey dad… have given me at least 4 traumatic brain injuries by 1968 and I have a feeling there were probably more…

How did I survive… You will have to ask Margie… Margie has been the driving force behind my desire to remember all that is available to me in my brain… I know the memories are there… I know I am seeing them in my nightly nightmares and dreams… 

It’s just trying to put a puzzle together and not putting the edge pieces in the middle, but piecing it together in a manner that makes sense and follows a time line…

I imagine combat veterans who have had TBI’s get my meaning, maybe even those in auto accidents… Head trauma and memory loss is the most disconcerting experience you can have… It’s almost as if you are constantly having an out-of-body experience…

Last night was a fun ride of memories in fast forward mode… Every time I woke up, I knew I had been seeing some more of the past that I lost… It just played through so fast and when I went back to sleep, it repeated itself… kind felt like I was on a merry-go-round…

I only hope that merry-go-round stops and lets me off and I land on a ferris wheel that allows me to see things more clearly… Hope springs eternal, when searching for repressed memories…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...