Dissociative Behavior, PTSD & TBI…

Dissociative behavior was not something I really thought of, until the mental health nurse I was seeing asked me if I did it… I had to ask what she meant???

It means to be on the outside of your skin looking in… sort of out-of-body experience in psychology terms… I told her no… but as I have thought over it these past couple of months, I think she was right and now you are going to ask why or what changed my thought process on this…. That’s actually easy to explain….

I remember more about life outside the “family home”… than I remember about the activity inside that house… I had Dissociated with my life because of the trauma from the beatings… Which may explain why I didn’t make memories… I was for all sense and purpose, on the outside looking in at my family….

As more memories come back, the clearer the picture becomes and the memories I made without forethought or acknowledgement are coming forward…

What I had thought was an attack in 72, was actually an assault in 71… I know this, because of the GI’s I have pictures of,  from that time period… they were at the bowling alley when I came in with a bruised head and rug burned knees… they wanted to kick my dad’s ass for hurting me…

The head trauma that I am aware of started at toddler age, a major one over the boob incident during the bay of pigs in 61, dad’s return from Vietnam and the birth of a child not his in 67/68, arrival at the rice patties on Japan in 68 another beating and then another blow to the side of the head that has the damage to my skull in 71… No wonder I lost my child hood… I was being assaulted so frequently that it’s amazing I can wipe my own ass!!!

I got my brain into a pattern of fantasy, in other words, I found someplace else to go, when I could no longer cope with all the criminal assaults upon my young body…so I dissociated with myself and my life…

It wasn’t until I left home and the birth of my first child at 20, that I started the process to live my life, not just observe it…

It took November 5, 2017 and a young man named Devin to go to a small Texas town and murder 26 people… It would take my talking about Texas 2 days later to trigger the brutal beating in Big Springs, Texas 1967/68… That memory is my key to regaining all the repressed memories… That beating is what took my childhood… all subsequent ones, just kept Margie a prisoner and buried in a deep hole, until Maggi heard her screams for freedom…

That freedom is coming… Last night was a night of thunder and intense lightnings… much like what my nightmares were…. and the realization that I had dissociated myself from my childhood because of all the trauma a child had to endure at the hands of christian parents whose only concern was to make sure the man got to retire and the secrets of what went on behind the 4 walls we lived in never saw the light of day…

Well the sun is rising and the light of day has come about at long last… Margies voice is being heard and the message carried around the world via this blog… Margies story is silenced no more…

There are many more discoveries to find along this path to discovery and every memory that comes back to the fore front of my mind… Margies jail cell is being dismantled one brick at a time…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...