Meeting Yourself, PTSD & TBI Journey…

At some point in time you will meet your old self… It is beyond weird from my point of view… It’s as if all of a sudden you are multiple personality from Alfred Hitchcock story… Talk about falling into a whirlpool of chaos… Initially it was wham – bam and the train kept on going and left you at the station trying to figure out what just happened… Been there and at moments still doing just that…

As I relax my thought process and work to undo what I created to protect myself as a child, I find the puzzle is more like a kaleidoscope, with so many tributaries and pathways  coming at me all at once… May explain why I liked drinking so much… it pushed those behaviors into a closet for a few years…

When a twin is taken away from the other twin, yet they have no visual or physical memory of each other… they still feel like a limb is missing and they can’t figure out why… I got to say it, to me that is the spiritual connection we have with life… Not fantasy gods… but to real life humans… The twins get it, so do some of the rest of us… Which may explain why religion came across so fake…

As my dreams and they are nightly, it’s like watching an old movie you have seen a 100 times and you know every frame of it… that’s what I am dealing with… I see it nightly, it goes by quick, but once in a while it slows down and there is something familiar about the frame frozen in time…

Accepting that I disconnected myself mentally from the birth family while living there till 18, is helping me break down  my own barrier I put in place to protect Margie… To me, it explains every step I have made through my life up to this point… To others my behavior wasn’t what they were used to… To me, I was always testing those around me, never giving a sign that I had brain injuries that I didn’t even know about…

Letting go of this habit, that has been in place at least 50 years, will be as easy or as hard as I chose to make it… Lets just hope that my stubborn side listens, instead of running its mouth… No one likes change, we are creatures of habit and this is a bad habit… I break this one and Margie will no longer be a prisoner, she will be free… Then the fun really begins…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...