Hello ole friend, I have missed you… NOT!

Depression is an old friend, the varying levels that present itself to me is interesting… I find it more noticeable now than before… I am aware when it’s going to rear its ugly heads and intrude upon my daily existence… though it does not have the power or control it once had on me… no it’s more of a bitch slap or a creep into my world type of depression and I seem to be the one in control, not the other way around…

I accept that religion is a control mechanism and not a thing of true faith or belief… I accept that those who rely on religion, do it out of a need to be in control of something, it’s just not themselves, thus the need to sin against humanity and fall back on a god will forgive me type of rhetoric…

I accept that I can not change what was done, even though I am reminded daily of what was done to my body in the guise of parenting… I call it for what it is, mental illness and hiding behind religion… but their god will forgive them… not to sure I am 100% behind that thought process… I am still after all very angry they still walk this earth with zero amount of remorse… but their god will forgive them…

I accept that I am tired of all this and the nightmares that seem to come and go as they want, not as I want…

I accept that I am a flawed human being… but I never abused anyone the way I was abused… So if you think you got a lousy life because of your parents… you might want to look at your choices… I chose to leave home at 18, because of the parents… I didn’t know it then, but I do know it now… smartest thing I ever did was leave home… 

I accept I made mistakes as a parent, but hey, who didn’t…. At least I never beat my kids and fractured their bodies or their spirit… but it’s okay that mine did and I am just hunky dory with that… NOT!!!

I accept my honesty is my down fall and it will always keep my little world of people very small and even then, trust is earned not given… so my world is even smaller than people think… it is after all a world built on trust, which I never have given away…

So though I may not have control over the nightmares as they intrude into my world once again… I do have control over so much more that is part of my world… and those I chose to let into it… so today depression 0, me 1…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....