Fear is the Mind Killer…

Fear is ever-present in this process… Maybe not for those whose own memory loss was due to medical issues and not violence… Those of us who experienced violence in such terrifying moments in our lives, fear of remembering that horror can be debilitating…

I find myself on occasion thinking of other avenues of escape… just so I won’t have to face the memories of the past… If I had an addictive personality I would use what ever substance there was to escape the coming reality of my nightmares… but, I am not… 

No I found my brain to be more powerful than any substance out there… not that I tried those substances… but the few I did try, did nothing for me… I could take myself to another place and time by just switching the mechanism on in my head… my favorite escape route…only one problem… that escape route is what imprisoned Margie…

When I first got my memory back of the Texas incident… I felt liberated and then it hit me… what if the rest of the missing memory is as ugly as the Texas one??? What then??? and I found myself reverting to my old habit of disconnecting to the reality of what was and tried dressing it up so I could handle it better…

As the time goes by, I see the fear and instead of playing the game of hide and seek with it… I am taking it by the hand and not letting go… It’s draining, but for some reason, my brain is giving me short breaks and the nightmares are more along the line of looking at old movies… some good things, but mostly bad…

I know in writing my book, it will take me a couple of years… only because I have to return to the mainland to do some of the walk down memory lane…by going back to the scene of the crimes…

The little bit of help I got from mental health was what I needed to see and embrace the next phase of this journey to finding Margie… taking the jail cell apart one brick at a time… 

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

Domestic violence, rape and assault are not new in America or the world... but it is accepted in the highest offices of our government in America... The catholic church, in congress and the white house... you can use and abuse people as long as you can make everyone believe the words coming out of your mouth.... My body shows the evidence of domestic violence and Air Force cover up... I am just one among millions whose government was complicit in rape and domestic violence... Until women step up and vote with their voice... Men in power, will protect men in power and do it in the name of your god and country.... Your voice, your vote...