Missing the Chaos…

If nothing else, since Nov 7, 2017.. the chaos has subsided significantly… So much so, I actually miss it sometimes…

After 50 years of thought process that was all over the page and so distracting and intruding… It’s nice to wake up and my mind go to a subject that has absolutely nothing to do with the past…

It’s as if a broken record had been playing for 50 years or I have been on a non-stop merry-go-round… either way, its repetition in my dreams and daily life are slowly melting away…

The emotional aspect of this journey has been interesting too… Emotionally I feel detached from people and a little like Spock from Star Trek… but that could also be nothing more than a physiology issue with hormones… getting older is throwing a wrench into how to interpret what I am physically and emotionally feeling on this road to remember Margie…

I am dreaming and the dream as usual is always the same and I am only getting to remember a small portion of that dream… Don’t know if its new memories that are repressed or if it’s something I have dreamed before and it’s part of the PTSD portion of this ride… Either way, it is a slow, cumbersome process…

I am still waiting on records from the national archives to show up, which may trigger more memories and throw me back into the chaos a little bit… but as I adjust to the knowledge that my birth family did all they could to end my life before the age of 18… the more I can acknowledge they are mentally ill and should be in prison…

The anger aspect of it hasn’t been as intense… I can’t undo what is and I can’t erase the damage to my body… just live with it…

I have a couple of years on Hawaii to work on all that… what better place than an active volcano to dispel the demons from my past…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....