Missing the Chaos…

If nothing else, since Nov 7, 2017.. the chaos has subsided significantly… So much so, I actually miss it sometimes…

After 50 years of thought process that was all over the page and so distracting and intruding… It’s nice to wake up and my mind go to a subject that has absolutely nothing to do with the past…

It’s as if a broken record had been playing for 50 years or I have been on a non-stop merry-go-round… either way, its repetition in my dreams and daily life are slowly melting away…

The emotional aspect of this journey has been interesting too… Emotionally I feel detached from people and a little like Spock from Star Trek… but that could also be nothing more than a physiology issue with hormones… getting older is throwing a wrench into how to interpret what I am physically and emotionally feeling on this road to remember Margie…

I am dreaming and the dream as usual is always the same and I am only getting to remember a small portion of that dream… Don’t know if its new memories that are repressed or if it’s something I have dreamed before and it’s part of the PTSD portion of this ride… Either way, it is a slow, cumbersome process…

I am still waiting on records from the national archives to show up, which may trigger more memories and throw me back into the chaos a little bit… but as I adjust to the knowledge that my birth family did all they could to end my life before the age of 18… the more I can acknowledge they are mentally ill and should be in prison…

The anger aspect of it hasn’t been as intense… I can’t undo what is and I can’t erase the damage to my body… just live with it…

I have a couple of years on Hawaii to work on all that… what better place than an active volcano to dispel the demons from my past…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

Domestic violence, rape and assault are not new in America or the world... but it is accepted in the highest offices of our government in America... The catholic church, in congress and the white house... you can use and abuse people as long as you can make everyone believe the words coming out of your mouth.... My body shows the evidence of domestic violence and Air Force cover up... I am just one among millions whose government was complicit in rape and domestic violence... Until women step up and vote with their voice... Men in power, will protect men in power and do it in the name of your god and country.... Your voice, your vote...