Emotional Baggage…

The eruptions of our local volcano and it’s chaos throwing issues into my nights… last night it was the sulfur dioxide, which stunk then and still is now… that brought a wealth of emotional feelings into my nightmares… why??? Big Springs, Texas… google it… you will see they have a gas and oil refinery there and when the air was still like it was that night in Texas, when Margie died, that is all you smelled… rotten eggs… It is funny and disconcerting what brings some of these repressed memories to the forefront… But… always that one little annoying word… BUT…

The emotional baggage that this active volcano is stirring up is a good thing… an exhausting thing, but good… it makes my brain go back to that time after the birth of my half-sister…

It makes my brain think of the time before the assault and the time after… I don’t know if I will ever remember the time during the attack… If I didn’t make memories, then there is nothing to remember… that is how brain injury and damage works… you don’t always get a say on what you remember…You have to make memories, to remember memories…

I find my mind floating to many subjects that all have to do with my childhood that was stolen… I do get a flash of memory in my waking moments, thanks to our active volcano… What psychology says about, site, sound and smell… anything can trigger your repressed memories… you just got to be receptive to remembering…

I do have my go to place, when I get uncomfortable flash’s of memory… I am struggling with falling back on that action… they say it takes only a few days to make a habit…but it can take weeks, to break that habit…if not years… I’m working on it…

The little bit of mental health counseling I got, has helped… it is sad that you call and no one calls you back for appointments… but that is health care in America… if you got the money, you can get what you need…if you are dependent upon the Veterans system…you are reasonably screwed… it is what it is… but, again that but… I don’t know if I have CTE or if there are blood clots on the brain… it will take another seizure or medical incident to get anyone to do their job… For a nation that is a leader in the world… our health care for Veterans is the worse in the world… 35 years in the system… as a disabled veteran…

Anyway… this active volcano is a good thing for me, but bad for the residents being forced out of their homes… Life is about opportunity and this is one opportunity I am embracing as our house shakes, rattles and rolls with the rest of the island…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

 

Author: maggi9454

Domestic violence, rape and assault are not new in America or the world... but it is accepted in the highest offices of our government in America... The catholic church, in congress and the white house... you can use and abuse people as long as you can make everyone believe the words coming out of your mouth.... My body shows the evidence of domestic violence and Air Force cover up... I am just one among millions whose government was complicit in rape and domestic violence... Until women step up and vote with their voice... Men in power, will protect men in power and do it in the name of your god and country.... Your voice, your vote...