Emotional Baggage…

The eruptions of our local volcano and it’s chaos throwing issues into my nights… last night it was the sulfur dioxide, which stunk then and still is now… that brought a wealth of emotional feelings into my nightmares… why??? Big Springs, Texas… google it… you will see they have a gas and oil refinery there and when the air was still like it was that night in Texas, when Margie died, that is all you smelled… rotten eggs… It is funny and disconcerting what brings some of these repressed memories to the forefront… But… always that one little annoying word… BUT…

The emotional baggage that this active volcano is stirring up is a good thing… an exhausting thing, but good… it makes my brain go back to that time after the birth of my half-sister…

It makes my brain think of the time before the assault and the time after… I don’t know if I will ever remember the time during the attack… If I didn’t make memories, then there is nothing to remember… that is how brain injury and damage works… you don’t always get a say on what you remember…You have to make memories, to remember memories…

I find my mind floating to many subjects that all have to do with my childhood that was stolen… I do get a flash of memory in my waking moments, thanks to our active volcano… What psychology says about, site, sound and smell… anything can trigger your repressed memories… you just got to be receptive to remembering…

I do have my go to place, when I get uncomfortable flash’s of memory… I am struggling with falling back on that action… they say it takes only a few days to make a habit…but it can take weeks, to break that habit…if not years… I’m working on it…

The little bit of mental health counseling I got, has helped… it is sad that you call and no one calls you back for appointments… but that is health care in America… if you got the money, you can get what you need…if you are dependent upon the Veterans system…you are reasonably screwed… it is what it is… but, again that but… I don’t know if I have CTE or if there are blood clots on the brain… it will take another seizure or medical incident to get anyone to do their job… For a nation that is a leader in the world… our health care for Veterans is the worse in the world… 35 years in the system… as a disabled veteran…

Anyway… this active volcano is a good thing for me, but bad for the residents being forced out of their homes… Life is about opportunity and this is one opportunity I am embracing as our house shakes, rattles and rolls with the rest of the island…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

 

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....