Hot poker in my brain…

I doubt you will get this…but it is a sensation I have felt for as long as I can remember… little did I know that I had a TBI and it was likely related to that or blunt force trauma…

Ya know, when you understand and know why and where the pain is coming from…for me it makes it so much easier to deal with… I can’t stop the pain, most of the time and in fact I can make it worse…

The difficulty of getting my health care taken care of is problematic…even though I am a 100% disabled veteran… I, being a woman, have had to fight every step of the way to get anyone to listen… I take responsibility for some of that… the college educated and federal employees will have to answer for their own behavior, which will happen when hell freezes over…

Back to this hot poker in my brain… it feels as if someone has been taking a hot instrument and slowly shoving it into the left quadrant of my brain and I am so over a week of this…

It has triggered some weird dreams that have to do with my parents… It is making me look at them in a different light… doesn’t change how I feel about them and my lack of interest in what they call their souls… but as they say… no pain no gain… 

It also has been impactful on my depression… Depression, I really hate that word and understand it even less… but depressed I have been and after last night, I got to admit it’s the past that is having fun with my existence… Not a constant un-obstructed view of the past… just flash’s of memory, that even now makes my brain throb…

The more I learn, understand and accept… the clearer some of the images of the past become… which has been a painful, I mean head painful process…

I get it takes time and that baby steps are the best course… but just like anyone else I want instant gratification and knowledge…. Knowledge is power and that seed of knowledge just needs to grow some more…

Pele is still spewing 10 miles away from us… The lava is headed to the ocean… The trade winds have moved the gas cloud off shore… The weather has been beautiful and the rain cleans the air… The volcanic eruption is only impacting 3% of our island… If you are curious we are divided in into 9 lava zones… I live in zone 3… the eruption is in zone 1 & 2…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....

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