I Remember…

Maybe losing so much sleep because of Pele isn’t a bad thing after all… It’s an ethereal type of experience when a flash of my childhood floats past my eyes…

I can be opening the screen door to let the dogs in and something, a memory, a flash from the past… Not new memories… no this is the progression of the repressed memories making it self known… It is Margie banging on that cell door, reminding me not to forget about her…

I think, that is always a dangerous occupation in my situation… but I think that my choice to no longer use the mental health nurse was a wise choice… she gave me insight, but not help…

No, for me to make it through this process I have to be willing to go all in… I have to accept and acknowledge mental illness in the family… I have to know that I will not be able to understand the why, when it comes to other people’s behavior… I do only have control over mine and only mine…

The memories are surfacing… a little at a time… there is about 17 years I lost, due to head trauma at the hands of my parents… As neither parent owns their behavior… I have to accept my father went to the grave a coward and my mother will do the same… but their god forgives them….

Yes it is an interesting journey the PTSD and TBI… I have always known that the brain is the most powerful weapon we have… some chose to use it for the good of only themselves so that they are the richest dead person in the graveyard… I hope to be remembered not for what I own… but for who I am… 

I look forward to more memories surfacing…good or bad…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....