There are lots of things I don’t know about Margie (me)…

There are lots of things I don’t know about me…  Will be talking about a subject that would reference childhood and wow, I can not relate…. I do not remember… 

Do you remember losing your two front teeth?  or how about teachers? or you becoming a teenager? and the list just goes on an on….

My mother made many remarks over the years, when I lived in Mena… One of her favorite statements was about dad being put in a mental ward… She never mentioned a time frame, she never said why he was locked up… only that it scared my dad straight so that he could stay in the military and get retirement….

When you have a TBI, the chaos in the thought process is so out there sometimes… it is as if you fell in a black hole and you are frozen on the horizon… not moving forward and not moving back… Want to talk about hell… that has been mine, just for being born and not willing to break for a man-made religion… yep… thrown away because of a man made book and belief… You just can’t fix stupid… It has to want to be fixed… fantasy over reality… Reality is a cold bed fellow, but I will take it every day over fantasy… even though I believe in magic you muggles… sorry couldn’t resist…

When I stood in my mother’s kitchen, 4 years after my dads death and told her I was missing memory, her comment was seared into my brain… she dropped her head and refused to look at me and in a quiet scared voice she said, “there are some things best not remembered”…. most bullies are cowards… she died that day… my heart turned to stone that day… I lost both my parents in that house… I will shed no tears for the woman who gave me life and tried multiple times to take said life…

So there are many things I don’t know about Margie and will only learn them, if, I remember…

TBI and PTSD… the two most difficult things I have ever learned to live with… and I didn’t give them to myself… they are a gift from 18 years of domestic violence, the only time in my whole life where people hit me in the name of love and religion… they stole my childhood and left me damaged for life… just so a man could get military retirement… and the Air Force knew and covered it up… I was throw away material… I had no value to any of them… I was trash as a female in the world of men…manipulated by one woman…

Not any longer… Margie is banging on her cell door to be freed and heard… No more silence no more secrets….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....