Pele speaks…

Taking one last look at the lava glow upon the steam clouds, we went to bed in the hope that Pele would breathe down wind… around 3am, a little shaking and the sky went black and the smell of rotten eggs entered upon the wind…

Sleep, something I am beginning to think isn’t going to happen while this volcano is active… Turned off the fans pulling in the VOG and went back to sleep… only to be awaken by the sound of pouring rain… acid rain that is…

Drift back off to sleep and get into some nightmare that is a muddled mess… thinking it might be the repressed memory of the Texas attack… wakes me up with a jolt…

The smell outside is over powering of  VOG from the lava flow and earlier explosion at the volcano… Try to go back to a fitful sleep that is mired in violence… Thinking I am never going to get any beauty sleep…

Arise this morning at day break and the sky is dark with the fall of ash… the smell strong of rotten eggs and the rain beating down as if the sky opened the flood gates… yep, I need a vacation…

Pele’s turmoil and rebirth of land is much like the battle I am fighting… Clinical depression was my label, but as to why, no one knew… Nov 7, 2017 changed all that…

I feel at times like I am in one of those ball pits at the carnival place… so many that there just doesn’t seem to be a way out, all the chaos of thoughts and memories coming back and how it impacts my day-to-day life… yet I see a light at the end of the tunnel… 

I feel moments of when the depression lifts… I search for the reason why, many times it’s because I accept a memory from the past and acknowledge the ugliness I called family…

It’s called accepting what you can not change and acknowledging I will never understand the sick minds that did it… be it the rape on a military installation and attempted murder… or be it the brutal beatings I got in the name of, ya know, I got no clue… but lets call it for what it is… progress…

I am no longer running away from the past… I am searching for it… One day I will get to the end of my quest and my life will be mine once again.. lets hope Pele gets to the end of building  land, drifts off  to dream about making babies in  the form of new islands… me, I just want to drift off an make new memories free of the past…

TimesUP #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...