Eyes of Suicide…the haunted look…

Maggi6yr

Recent high-profile suicides is just a reminder… depression affects all of us in one way or another…

That haunted look in their eyes is something that has looked back at me my whole life… and I have fought every inch of the way to remove that haunted look…

It took a deranged young man, kicked out of the Air Force and on the road to self-destruction and in the process took 26 innocent lives… That was November 5, 2017… 2 days later I awoke from my 50 year nightmare…

Depression, never understood why I had it… I have a good life, good husband and kids and grand kids… I live the way I want to… always have… but I never understood why I felt depressed or why certain things would trigger a dark episode….

As I learn to embrace the missing memories, which are coming back at their own pace, I have no desire to pursue it any faster at this stage of the journey… though patience is not my virtue… It’s a lot of information being brought back into my waking mind and some of it, well lets just say, those stories will be in the book…

When I see the depression taking over the mind of anyone, it makes me look at my depression and work even harder at wrapping my head around years of domestic violence all in the name of love and god…

As for the rapes and attempted murder in the Air Force… I find those incidents easier to handle than the abuse my family inflicted upon a small child….

So yes, when high-profile suicides happen, it push’s me harder to understand my own depression… I chose to look for ways to build upon my life… not destroy… Because to destroy it, is to let those that tried to destroy it win… including my own internal demons…

Life is hard, if it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be worth living… Our time on this rock is just a moment in time and is washed away just as quickly as the tide upon the sand… our footprints do not last, so make the most of the time you have… You can not save the world, but you can save yourself…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...