Detached…

Not sure how to explain this, it is as if you are on the outside looking into your own life…

I so wish someone, anyone would have come forward and told me about the Traumatic brain injury… it would have explained so many decades of watching my life go by instead of participating in it… so much time lost… because it had to be kept a secret…

Why??? I have no clue… I learned a long time ago, people in power, be it the president of the United States or a mother & father… People in power will use that power to their advantage… Its mental illness at its best….

These kind of people will lie until they are 6 feet under…. they will never admit the truth, they will never own their behavior, they will never accept reality and they will do everything they can to destroy you if you get in their way…

It is the kind of home I lived in… an because of the horrific things that went on in that house, I learned to detach from reality….

I can tell you more about things outside that home in my first 18 years than I can tell you about inside that home… Even then, outside the home, there are large holes of memory loss…

When I asked my mother about the loss memory, she refused to answer… she was afraid… she knew I had I a unique memory ability as a child, much of that ability is no more because of the brain injury… but what memories that were not beat out of me, give me a glimpse into the life of Margie and what she went through….

I have no emotional attachment to my birth family… since I know I don’t have dementia, and we know I have some repressed memories… my birth family had every opportunity to come forward an tell me what happened to Margie … NONE did…

So lately I have felt detached from the life I started on this planet… no emotions attached to the people involved… to me, they haven’t played a part in my existence for several decades, I do not expect that to change… the reason being, they turned into the very people who manipulated and molded them into the people they are today and frankly… I don’t like any of them… they are all bigots… and fake christians, but then that is a cult religion and mental illness does play into that segment of their lives…

No I was discarded over greed, envy, falsehoods, prejudice, bigotry and a man-made religion they all hide behind…

That is their choice and I leave them to their choice… with them on the outside looking in as they always have done… imagining my life instead of being a part of it…

The detached feeling is still there, but I use it as a refuge to focus on the book, not to escape the reality of the birth family and their bigotry… I gave, I got nothing in return… I have nothing more to give…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...