Progress made??? Maybe…

Small world when your orthopedic doctor is a retired army officer, in private practice…

But he was a wealth of information about the forensics of child abuse… When a doctor confirms what you already know, you did your homework… No assumptions in this journey…

He did think that the modeling going on when I went in the air force is not likely related to blunt force trauma… Modeling means the bone was refreshing or building at an unusal rate, because one sibling was accelerated in growth, more research by a qualified gentic specialist is needed… He agrees he does not know my full health history, just his opinion… Based on my age when injured an age at entry into military…. So back to square one on that subject…. Though I will do more research….

As for the neuropathy… Science says there are many millions with this illness and no known cause… My genetic testing just done by VA shows nothing that would cause the illness, another mystery that may never be solved… such as it is with science today…

As for the bone pain, that is easy… arthritis…. Was told that decades ago, just did not know it was what all the bone pain was…

Progress… Understanding the physical side of this journey… I may one day be able to get better answers… But right now this is a start to gather current medical data that reflects correct information and confirmation of relation of medical issues to domestic violence…

I may never get all my answers, but right now, I am getting answers, instead of more questions….

We are an evolved species and illness like mine have been around since the beginning of our time…

Medicine and psychology are not black and white… No it is snarled with human emotions and bias, not enough trained personnel and more patients… not enough solid research… instead its shove drugs down ya and make you worse… at least for me it worked that way…

Sometimes you just have to accept there are no more answers to get…that is a hard one to take… but it is reality…

The depression side of these last 63 years is on the outside looking in… waiting for that one vulnerable moment to slide back in… Not letting that happen… As more time goes by the more I accept… The more I accept, the easier it is to let go of the angst of the whole nightmare…

It will always be a part of me… I could have had these answers decades ago, but, I was afraid of what I would learn… I was afraid to pursue the dark side of my birth family… Fear is the mind killer, I will face my fear and let it pass through me and only I will remain… it’s a good mantra, but a hard one to stick to…

Trust will never be there for the birth family… to me they are just ghosts from the past and highly toxic… I get enough toxic gas here on Hawaii, just a few miles from the lava flow… So I will pass…besides, I’m over the romantic notion of family… I have friends that are closer than my blood…

But progress I have made and when we return to the mainland and get settled, I will be requesting the VA send me to a specialist for hypnosis therapy, the memories are there, Margie just doesn’t want to relive them and I do…

TimesUp   #MeToo

I Remember

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...