Waylaid…

Just when I think things might be getting into a routine of normal sleep, wham, bam thank you, I have a major nightmare… UGH!!! PTSD has its own agenda and after so many decades of it, I am over it!!!

It does throw a wrench into my day when this happens… Usually it will cause some paranoia and irritability and my ole friend depression… Mostly it means loss of sleep and a long day ahead, waiting for bed time…

Dragged out of bed at 4 AM always means a long day unless it is planned… The tightness of my shoulders tells me I am carrying the weight of that nightmare with me through the day… with flash’s of the horror it held, going past my eyes during the day, when I am trying to focus on something or anything else… not wanting to deal with the horror I saw last night…

I see it this way… There is something buried deep in my brain… Something important and Margie is fighting me all the way… She doesn’t want to relive it and I am trying to take that heavy sledge-hammer and beat down the walls of Margies cell…

Fear… it’s always about fear… I guess that is why people turn to man-made religion… they fear life so much, they hide from it… as for me… I have hope that what is ever buried deep because of Margie, gets to see the light of day…

No depression this time… no sad feelings or wanting to hide… nope… just tired and ready to go back to bed to finish what the nightmare started…

Facing your fears will give you so much inner peace… I know I have done it repeatedly over the last 7 months…

Fear is the mind killer, I will face my fears and only I will remain… That is what I am doing, facing my fears and all that remains is me…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...