Pick-up-Sticks…

One of many games that kids played in my day… all about the touch and ability to move one without disturbing the others piled in a mess… 

That is what I am dealing with in my brain… I feel as if I have stepped into the game of Tron and only one speed through the whole course… high…

I find it interesting when one of my siblings makes an attempt to reach out to me…  I have to evaluate every word that comes out of them… as with all things in manipulation… it’s about being in control or making it about yourself… if a shrink was reading this and saw what I saw they would be asking why the person or persons are not in counseling???

I watched for over 50 years, the life of my parents marriage and wondered often why they never sought psychiatric counseling and the aha moment hit me between the eyes or down the middle of the brain… IF they got any counseling it was through their religious cult and we all know how that turned out… they kept thumping on each other and the kids until one finally died… Yep that’s who I would run to for mental health counseling… a dumb ass human who believes in fairy tales…

That is the kind of agitation or feelings I have felt today, all because of a game of pick-up-sticks when I was a kid, before Margie died… the nightmare and the memory of the incident and violence… has moved into my waking brain and is no longer part of the PTSD…

It’s funny how this works with PTSD… as I face my fears and allow the nightmares to play out instead of waking up, the nightmare goes away to haunt me no more…

I get why some combat veterans are able to cope with the nightmare of war… they face it, the nightmare and they own it… just as I am doing with mine… I own the nightmare and it is mine… and not the pasts…

One two buckle my shoe, three four knock on the door five six pick up sticks…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...

2 thoughts on “Pick-up-Sticks…”

    1. How you came up with that is a large indicator of belief in conspiracy theories an man made religion… Explains a lot…

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