Owning my Life…

For as long as I can remember… my heart would race and thump and beat as if it was trying to get out of my chest… there were many triggers for this reaction and most of them are associated with my birth family and only a few of those characters are triggers… As that heart did it’s circus act, in the background I was actually suffering from a tachycardia issue related to scarlet fever after a measles episode as a child, which I don’t know If I was properly treated for it then…

Now back to the circus act of my heart… It’s scary feeling that sensation of your heart beating in overdrive and you can’t calm it down… I never knew what the cause was until I woke up from my nightmare on Nov 7, 2017… Imagine, you lived your life and for 58 years of that life you lived with a fear you did not understand or know why….

Once I got a glimpse of what happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967 or 68… It started a process that is beyond anything I have ever experienced… and the revelations just keep coming… It’s like waking up every day and you get a present as something from my past makes sense and is no longer a part of the nightmare process of PTSD…

What gets me is the physical evidence my birth family left behind… it’s as if they were trophies to prove their power over a 6-year-old child… gee that does sound like Trump…

For the longest time I wanted someone or something to take the blame or be responsible for what I have had to live with for 63 years…. Once I accepted that life is never going to be fair and if we don’t work at it and fight for it… we have no one to blame but ourselves… I accepted the fact that my path in life is what it is and I can either make it better or I can curl up in a ball and die… which the birth family hopes for the latter… then the book wouldn’t happen…

The one thing that keeps me going forward seeking the truth and not other people’s version of the truth… but facts… as long as I stay true to myself and what I write I will get there… It may take a little time… and much more investigation… just no assumptions on this journey…

As the cop always says… Just the facts …

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

 

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...