Letting Go… Not all that hard to do….

You will hear people say, let it go and move on and upward an onward and go forward… Frankly their interpretation of those words are a whole lot different from my interpretation….

That is what life is about… how we interpret the world around us and perceive the people we share this world with…along with a hefty dose of fear it would seem….

I allowed fear at one time to have a say in my life… My heart would race uncontrollably, I would feel cold and clammy and my breath is hard to keep…

Once I faced that fear and I saw with eyes wide open, no longer afraid of a mythical god… but actually looked at the players in my life, I am very fortunate not to be as messed up as they are… all because they believe a child was conceived on this earth without a man’s help… I mean REALLY???

Sorry I digress… What I am telling you… Letting go does improve the quality of life…

For the first time in a very long time… I am sleeping through most of the night and I am not getting a snack at night either… both habits established as a child because of domestic violence….

I don’t dwell on the past or waste a lot of time thinking of the predators who did so much harm to children…. No, I am finally living my life… free of any guilt associated with my siblings… they all need mental health help and until they get it… they can just keep their distance… Mom & Dad got what they wanted a bunch of mini me’s…. they can have them in their current state….

There are some questions I will never get answers too and that part of the book will have to be creative writing… I still want to go back to Big Springs, Texas… I know the house where we lived 50 years ago… and it is still standing according to Goggle earth….

As for all the other angst that went along with healing… they will in time… after nearly 64 years on this planet… they will heal… but the scars will never disappear…

As for the depression… not an issue… even though the doc put me on a new cholesterol drug, that may be a side effect… just started it… but other than that… no depression….

It feels somewhat weird not to be depressed… it’s been such a companion for so many decades, it’s like I lost something precious but annoying…. I can feel the little girl in me that has hidden away in her jail cell for so many decades starting to giggle and wiggle her way back into my life…

I have vague memories of having quite a mouth on me as a kid… always with a smart quip or remark… those have been popping out lately… hubby nearly spewed breakfast when I made some goofy remark yesterday…

So, I believe Margie is no longer hiding, but taking her first steps into the world after so many decades locked away…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...

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