A-ha Moment, the players in my life….

There have been so many people who played a part in my life… Some of it good, some of it bad… yet they all help to mold the person I am today… By simply watching the choices they made….

As the memories flood back in, lots of times it is just bits and pieces or a flash of a moment… guess you could say at times I am on a memory tour, I just don’t have a say in what pops up…

When you are missing memory and you are aware of it and I don’t mean you were told you suffered a brain injury and lost memory…

I am talking about people like me who were never told they had a TBI… saw over and was tested by 6 psychiatrist and not one of them caught it… until the last one… and that man was brilliant, so sad he was murdered by a patient… but, he only caught the PTSD…

Not one medical or psychological professional and I have seen hundreds in my life time of the medical and at least a dozen of the mental health and no one caught it… WHY???

I was able to hide it… I learned when the first beating happened as a child, never let them know how much they are hurting you… never give away your true emotions…. never trust any of them… and that is exactly what Margie did… which explains to me the paranoia I felt strongly on occasion… which I am happy to say is gone….

Family, I kept my distance from most of them… when contact was made, I watched, listened and most of all, I kept quiet…. I let these players provide me with what I was seeking without even knowing I was looking…. again, Margie… forever manipulating me, fighting me to expose the players in her life… the ones who took it…

I never thought I was a patient person, until I got that opportunity to bring up the hair brush to my mother… my older sibling was only 4, so I was just over 1-year-old… never heard any stories about that hair brush….so the expression on mothers face when I repeated what happened that day, the look on her face after 50 years was worth the wait… she knew I remembered all the way back to toddler age… I saw fear… may explain why she refused to tell me about the missing memory when I stood in her kitchen in 2010 and asked her about it…. Coward to the end… that is how all bullies are… cowards and tyrants… sounds like Trump….

My dad, who betrayed me for the woman he loved… he threw me under the bus and became the beater… so she would look innocent, but I knew the instigator was always her…. and he was no innocent…

The aunts and uncles who never stepped in… come to find out it was going in their households too… what were these people subjected to, to make them into monsters….

Then the military…. Multiple rapes, young and adult… then my child at Vance AFB… where image was more important than life… Ask those 26 victims of the Texas shooting on Nov 5, 2017… 2 days later I woke up…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

 

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...