TBI, PTSD & Detaching from Reality….

There are times I like my unique memory ability and there are times I absolutely hate it…  I mean really, would you want to remember every detail of a rape you survived???

As I cruise through my memories lately… No walls being thrown up, no barricades, no desire to take the thought process another direction… No, I am enjoying the memories that are coming forward…

I see in my mind’s eye, when I chose to detach from reality and just walked through life, not participating in it… I taught myself to meditate, be it at a cult Baptist church or in the home… I taught myself to leave and go into my own world… I took this path after the beating on Japan…

It’s a scary path if you are not aware of what you are doing… you can get your self lost in another world of your own making… and kids today think VR is the go to thing… The brain is the most powerful computer on the planet… and I used mine to survive…

When life bitch slapped me in the face, I evaluated what went wrong, how not to make the same mistakes again and FYI… I was married 6 times before the age of 40… took me a couple of decades to get it right… Yet each marriage played its part in my remembering my past…. Hubby & I will celebrate 25 years next year… I learned from my mistakes and I stayed in the moment in this marriage… I stayed with reality… It was my first steps to freeing Margie, with the support of my best friend and soul mate…

I can’t do it anymore… I meditate, but instead of going to my own world of imagination, I see only reality, my new bed-fellow….

Detaching from reality during the domestic violence of 18 years allowed me to survive…. Recognizing it as part of my life and makeup is what helped me to wake up from my 50 year nightmare…. That along with no longer running from the past, but embracing it… digesting all its ugly parts, always in the hope of finding some good memories…

The depression has disappeared, I fear it no more… Nor do I miss it… I accept my life and my existence because I believe in me… Nothing in life is insurmountable if you believe in yourself….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...