Its weird, learning in 2011 after an extensive psych exam for an appeal I had and still do have ongoing with the Veterans Administration… I always knew, from the first psych exam in the Air Force, which was a farce… to the last test taken in 2011 which between the VA and Social Security I had this psych testing done over 6 times in the last 20 years… and none came out the same… should have sent red flags up with everyone… but being government contract employees… their job is specific to the task they are assigned, putting the pieces together would have meant work and we all know, there are no hard-working government employees anymore….
Though it is weird knowing that the PTSD is fading away…. My hubby comments on the changes, so I know he’s aware… my being aware, was always part of the make-up of me… I have always known something was off… the professionals failed to do their job… so that does explain our high suicide rate among veterans… if they got it wrong on me, they are incompetent in dealing with combat PTSD… that is very obvious by the suicide rates…
Not knowing I had a TBI for so many decades, hindered my ability to recover… really makes you wonder what is wrong with the woman who I once called mother… What I call or think about her now is not for polite society… Trump I will never become… but think the thoughts for this one person, you betcha ….. I was informed by the doctors… that If I had ever been informed of the TBI, I would have recovered decades ago… how different my life would have been… kinda makes me want to do the “It’s A Wonderful Life” routine… but I can’t so… life is what it is….
If you have PTSD and deal with mood swings and violent behavior.. there is hope… its facing the demons that caused the PTSD… taking hold of the throat of the nightmare that caused the whole problem to begin with and own it… Once you own the nightmares, the PTSD does fade… it takes time and it does not happen over night… It will fade and with it, all the anger and fears and torture melt away… because you decided to own your life and not let what happened in the past be the owner….
I still have work to do and our time here on Hawaii will allow me to get there… I won’t have all my answers or questions answered while we are here… but it will allow my heart, soul and mind to heal… By the spring of 2020, I will be ready to go home to Washington….