I Wish, I Want to be Anywhere or place…

It used to be so much like that… Get up in the morning, be in a rotten mood because of nightmares I didn’t understand…

Take it out on anyone and everyone… wishing for the day to be over so I could repeat it all over again…

I did that for 50 years… Some of those years were very long and painful… Though all the while I was learning and growing… I just didn’t know it…

TBI takes much from those of us who suffered one… it takes even more when it leaves large gaps in your life and a yearning to know… much like it would be for the twins separated at birth and studied by I think it was the Canadian government… but don’t quote me on that… never knowing they had a twin until DNA came along…

Many times over the years I yearned to be completely and totally alone… cut off from the world so it couldn’t hurt me anymore, yet I didn’t understand why I had such a strong longing to disappear, to never be found again by those who know me…

PTSD… taking it out on the ones you love… struggling to express and always fighting to take hold of the nightmare that is destroying your very existence… starting with your mind and ending with the silencing of your soul….

My fascination with medicine, science, psychology and neurology for the last four decades… because the professionals didn’t, couldn’t or wouldn’t give me my answers… I do so get why veterans commit suicide… I so get it…

Hope… I kept going back to the word hope… Hoping something, anything would trigger a memory so this old pup could quit chasing her tail… and I got it… my hope was answered at the cost of 26 lives in a little town in Texas…

That moment in time on Nov 5, 2017 when a young man, kicked out of the Air Force took revenge upon innocence….

I wish someone had told me about the brain injury… I asked… Mother declined to talk about it… I asked… Instead the murder of 26 innocence gave me back my life…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

Margie was born into a typical christian military family... Her story is anything but typical... Domestic violence, rape, attempted murder and all done while my dad served in the U. S. Air Force and they buried the truth... then my own children impacted by Air Force cover up while I am active duty.... Rape, Attempted murder, domestic violence and discrimination in the name of the United States Government... and it is still happening as I write... just look at Trump, Kavanaugh and Thomas.... Circle of Silence is no more....