All Happening so Fast…

Since 1978 I have tried to get answers about my health and my past…. As I have written this diary for reference I am struck by the simple fact a doctor I started going to last year at this time, has gotten more answers for me than any of the last 100 or so doctors I have seen since I entered the military….

Medicine is not black and white, nor is psychology… The psychological part of this journey may never be resolved, only our return to the mainland will I get close to answers… Are there repressed memories or is it permanent memory loss….

As for the medical side… thanks to this doctor… I know that my neuropathy is from domestic violence and lack of medical care when the abuse happened… Now the doc thinks that I may have been having seizures since the assault on Japan in 1968 or 1969… That incident on top of the incident in Big Springs, Texas… left me damaged, more than I realized… 

One subject I haven’t talked about is narcolepsy… the sudden urge to fall asleep… there are various forms of sleep disorders and one I experienced after the Japan attack cause paralysis… in other words I was awake, my brain was awake, but my body was paralyzed… It happened frequently in high school at Johnson AFB… my memories of that time are coming back…

This went on until about 10 years ago… I could always tell when It was going to happen, so I learned how to avoid it… by not allowing myself to get to a point of exhaustion, which always seemed to be the trigger… be it physical or mental exhaustion, either one would trigger it when I went to sleep…

Now with the doc testing me for seizures, I have to wonder if there is scarring on the brain… I asked the doc about scans etc showing certain things on the brain and frankly I am just not educated enough to understand it all…. but I guess if the EEG doesn’t show anything weird, some kind of scan is going to be done of the brain…

I keep going back to one thing… If only my mother had told me what happened, I could have gotten help decades ago… I will never understand bullies or cowards… but watching Trump in action, shows me that America has become a sad statement for women’s rights…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...