No depression… what happened to my ole friend???

Puttering around the house, getting ready for Hector the hurricane… more of, lots of rain and wind, thankfully… but as I did my chores I got to thinking about the depression I had lived with for 50 years…

You know I saw a shrink in the Air Force, that was a complete and total joke… the guy was not competent to deal with TBI…obviously… his diagnosis was 360 degrees off the mark… then came the psych evals by the VA and Social Security… None of them came out the same as I go back and read the results… and one last one at the El Paso VA in 2011 and that one was dead on… finally… 

It took military and VA shrinks 29 years of testing to get close to what was wrong with me and they still missed the TBI…

I don’t know if it was because I didn’t trust them after the way mental health treated my 6 yr old after the rape… made the child feel like they had assaulted a 13 yr old, I mean REALLY!!!!! A 6 yr old knows about sex acts… Give me a “F” break!!! All about image and protecting the base and not the child or my career…

Yet my trust and faith in mental healths ability is greatly hampered by the incident at Vance AFB in the early 80’s and the rape and attempted murder of my children and the subsequent cover up by the Air Force…. Also hampered by relatives who have masters in mental health counseling but they are christian… which means the fantasy faith they have impacts their ability to counsel effectively… as it does all of the counselors if they are religious… so no I do not really trust… I should, but I don’t…

So how did I over come 50 years of depression without professional help… Choice was the first step… I look at every choice I make and the possible out comes… I chose not only with me in mind, but those that could be impacted by that choice… it is very taxing to live this way…

I learned to quit listening to other people and their opinions… because every one has one…doesn’t mean they are right or its right for you… its theres… not yours….

I learned to watch and listen to those around me… I learned that the only opinion that mattered in my life was mine… I learned that if it keeps me up at night, I made a bad choice and need to correct it… not procrastinate till I forget about it…

I learned to stick to my ethics… and I so miss big brother right now… CBS needs to get the head dude out of the organization… to many accusers to not be true…

Most of all I never quit growing… not in my mind or soul… it is always reaching for more information with a growing hunger for knowledge… Knowledge is power… not religion…

Do I think that this part of my journey is over… Hell no… We leave here next year, a year earlier than planned… After getting home, we will find a place to buy and the next spring, on the road to the last place Don (dad) & mother tried to end my life…

It will be a long winter, with us getting our house ready to sell… but I am excited for the next chapter in my life… I am ready for that final home and knowledge, I never have to run away from my past… it does not own me… I own it…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

 

 

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...