Dream a little….

I can say that for about 3 months, I haven’t had a nightmare per say… I did do some dreaming… and it just brought forth memories that had long been buried… yet not anything that would interrupt my night and impact my day…

It’s not over… I can feel that… I find little things I put in place as a child to protect me… those mechanisms are now obvious… no longer a secret from myself… Margie is letting go of the walls she put up to protect her…

Born self-aware is not all it’s cracked up to be… When you live among people who are narrowed minded and bigoted against their own kind… well, you learn quickly that there are just some things you don’t share with anyone… and I didn’t until my hubby came along 24 years ago…

Its taken decades to break free of the prison that my parents put on me… just so they could protect the false image they had among their peers or ya know, I got no clue… I can’t get my brain to go to this sick place they called reality… I will… just not yet… the book will hold that part of the story…

So my nights are filled with bathroom trips and that drink of water… but no waking up because I had a bad dream… no more silent screams in the night…

I know that will change as the stress of our move gets closer… I am hoping to contract some of the work, to give us a break… but we do know how to do it… I just hate painting and drywall…

Also we have people who want to see Hawaii before we move, so throw in a few peeps into the mix and the time will fly quickly… should be fun… it usually is…

The hurricane is now a tropical storm warning for us now… so rain and wind and probably loss of power is the norm… generator and supplies ready… May be a day or two before I can write again… we shall see… 

Ya know gray days used to make me so depressed… Now its just rain… no depression… sure is weird for it not to be front and center… depression… what a difference….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...