Digging deep for strength…

It started around 2AM and by 8AM I am wrung out… This is something I have experienced over the years since 1978, when most of the symptoms started on a regular basis… All because my parents used Margie as a whipping post… Not to discipline… To break a human being they never had control over…

The military calls lots of my symptoms by individual name… I now know that not one Air Force, Army, Navy or Veterans doctor got it right in 40 years… Not one… Ya know I have seen over 100 doctors and a dozen shrinks in those 40 years… speaks volumes as to why there are so many homeless and suicidal veterans… None of these professionals got it right… NONE….

No it took decades of me learning everything I could and not understanding lots of it… digging thru thousands of pages of my medical records and making a flow chart of symptoms in my brain to compare to over the decades and it took me shutting up a letting a doctor actually try and help me… Blame has to be placed both ways… I take responsibility for being a hostile patient after 40 years of frustration… and mis-diagnosis after mis-diagnosis…. and lots of unneccessary surgeries…. so yes blame has to be on all parties involved…

Thing is, I would have never made any medical headway… if I hadn’t woke up Nov 7, 2017… It would have gotten worse, not better… Margie was still locked away then and I knew nothing of her injuries… and mother refuses to talk…

So what left me wrung out… its part of the neuropathy and mine impacts my internal organs… all of them including the heart… all because 2 adults beat on a little child…

It doesn’t scare me anymore when it happens… I understand it now and know that as long as I can stay active, when the energy hasn’t run away… and as long as I keep a healthy mental attitude… I will get to live the life I want… I just have to work at it… and for me with all this pain right now and exhaustion… what comes tomorrow has more interest than the lack of strength at this moment… I believe in me and tomorrow is another day…this is just a moment in time that will fade…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Author: maggi9454

My earliest memory is before the age of 2... by the time I was 13, I had no childhood memories... No holidays, no birthdays... On 11/5/17 a shooter in Texas changed all that... It triggered my memories from my 13th year... The Air Force covered it up an it happened in Big Springs, Texas 1967... Domestic violence, PTSD, TBI and I too served in the Air Force 10 years later... This is my story to remember what was stolen...

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