TBI and Headaches….

The headaches mean many things when it comes to this body… Yesterday it was 2 quick hits in same area and my mood was sour all day… Figuring it out is the hard part and I realized it was the death of the young mother and her 2 baby girls… the violence that this man exhibited is nothing new to me… I saw it frequently in my parents home and the casualties left behind extend to our own children…

It took me several months to wrap my head around the fact that my own mother and father tried to take my life on numerous occasions…. and the damage they did to my siblings is on going…. 58 years later….

People who are raised in violent households like the one I lived in, never come out whole… they are always damaged and they take that damage with them into their adult lives…

It took me to my late 30’s to realize I was sel-aware… It took me another 30 years to fully understand what it means… and your mistakes that hurt others stick like a knife in your heart and  cannot be undone and my brain tries to justify it and I push the stupid notion away…. I know better….

My headaches mean many things to me, I learned that decades ago… I just didn’t know about the TBI and mother refused to talk and to this day she refuses to talk… guess she thinks her image will be tarnished… hate to disappoint, I lived in that town and never told anyone but one person I was related to that family…. their reputations went in the toilet decades ago… Fact…. 

I know, I had the chief of police in my front yard apologizing to me for his officer violating my civil rights… If he had known I was related to that family, kinda curious how he would have reacted… hubby tells the story better… but the one person who did know, her hubby still doesn’t believe I’m related… this apple left the tree and rolled as far as it could go….

TBI is a conundrum of issues… Having the knowledge of the TBI makes progress easier, but not faster… TBI affects every person differently and that is what the doctors don’t get… they want us in a pigeon-hole classification concerning TBI and PTSD, it just doesn’t work that way… to bad they can’t experience what we do… then just maybe they could help more vets…

The pattern that I am in right now is familiar… I can not eat more than a few bites of food and I am full… My headaches will be triggered by life itself, no control there and my body will betray me for the next few months and I will drop weight, hopefully I can manage it, now that I know the Autonomic neuropathy is the problem with my diet… 

Being aware, its overwhelming trying to adjust to this reality of a name for the medical issues… a name for the memory issues… the TBI’s… answers… just getting answers makes my sleep so much better… 

I asked mother, she refused… I asked in 2010 in her kitchen the last time I saw her, I asked… Her revenge against a child who’s only fault was to tell the truth, she thinks is complete… I beg to differ….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....

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