Residual Chaos…

There still is some chaos in the thought process… The more I learn about what I have been living with since the first attack at 6 years of age, just makes more sense and isn’t scary anymore…

You have no idea what it is to walk through life and be told what you are experiencing is all in your head… I read my military and VA medical records… There is so much bull shit in the files that has zero to do with health care and has to do more with federal employees personal opinions… Which if you ask me who fucking cares what employees have to say… Its suppose to be about health care…

Explains why it is so hard to fire the bastards and lots of these people are veterans… Sad huh… but those comments are in my medical records… and some of them are written to inflict pain upon the patient…

Also explains why veterans take their lives… When your own peers push you towards it by writing personal comments in our medical records… Not the organization that is corrupt, it’s the humans that work there….

What has this to do with chaos… nothing, I am just in that kind of mood… The chaos I can see in my writing, when I lose my focus and get off track… When I do it deliberately like above, that is one thing… When I do it, because my brain is going faster than I can write… well that bothers me just a little…

Articulation is a talent I used to be very good at… Now it takes focus and write and re-write and re-write… Till it sounds right to me and even then, it doesn’t make sense to me… That is what it is like to live with TBI’s…. It is always a struggle, cause you know the information is there, you just can’t get it out of the brain and into words….

When this has happened to me before, I was instantly pigeon holed into average intelligence, yada, yada, yada… which was a lie… I had my IQ tested… it’s up there… doesn’t mean anything if you aren’t educated… I am, with enough college to be near a AA degree, but again, if it’s not the right education… High IQ does not mean squat…

I still have issues and they are directly related to the TBI’s… It’s always a work in progress and I told hubby a few months ago… Playing dumb was no longer part of my makeup… People can either accept that I am their equal or they can try to put me in a category that will come back to bite them in the ass… just like it’s doing to my mother right now…

Truth will set you free… but christians have their own version of the truth according to Trump… His version is the only one… So hope his whole family is bankrupt and put in jail… Though I like his wife… she’s feisty…..

Doubt if this makes sense to anyone who has never had a TBI and lived with it… but it makes sense to me and frankly that is all that matters… Now will it make sense in a few hours that is a whole different can of worms… sort of… sometimes…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....