Choice…Do you know how???

We come into this world not by choice… A seed has to be hit by a sperm and then cells divide and conquer to form a human being… some believe that a fetus is a aware in the womb… I have no knowledge that can say yea or nea on that subject… it’s after we are forced to leave our warm safe environment, that is when life becomes about choice… or does it???

Writing earlier in the blog, I stated I was born self-aware… I have vague memories that I can not confirm before I started walking, but after walking, yes I have vivid memories that have been confirmed… and the first memory is weird only because I was so young about a year and a half old….

I remember the words don’t and the next thing I remember is being hit on my backside and a woman enraged… that woman I would later learn was my mother… and maternal towards Margie, she never was… She hated the child and still does to this day… Mental illness a not so mysterious issue after all…

That first incident of violence set the stage for my life… the first time I slapped my oldest I died inside… then it was words and they were not nice either… then it was isolation and cutting people off, that was less helpful… then it was anger, guilt, frustration and a desire to hide for the rest of my life…. so many choices over the decades to get me here….

I have never known a day without pain… sometimes it is just annoying intrusion into my day or night… then there are the times I would cut the appendage off If I could to stop the pain, it has gotten that bad… or end up in the ER with a muscle so knotted in my back, it protruded through my soft tissue and freaked everyone in the ER… that was fun…. or the time they thought I was passing stones and took all kinds of tests….. my gallbladder at one time had a bunch of little ones… the CAT showed none… I passed them all in a few hours before they gave me morphine… I would rather do child-birth any day… but they made me suffer, because they assumed I was faking it… they chose not to act for hours while I suffered… the medical professionĀ chose the wrong path for me… they assumed… always about choice…

Just one example how your choices can have a negative or positive impact on those around you…

My hubby is being an ass, his health issues are all related to the choices he made in life… If he had made different choices, he would not be suffering now…

I was never given that choice… those of us in domestic violence never are….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....