Depression where for art thou???

When you have lived with depression for 58 years, it not only becomes familiar… it becomes part of who you are… the sad eyes, if you know what to look for… the body language, the anger, the emotional and psychological pain… sadly it all becomes so much a part of you, you don’t want to live without it and you don’t want to live with it… conundrum is an understatement when it comes to depression…

Wow 58 years of depression because a woman manipulated a whole family and ruined as many lives as she could, because of her own mental demons… all the while hiding behind religion… you really can not fix stupid… honest, you can’t…

Angry, yes, I think that I am learning to incorporate those feeling into a positive side of me and turn that anger into something more positive and productive… that will take time… Time DOES NOT HEAL ALL WOUNDS!!! That line is a head fake, ask any shrink….

The stress of the last couple of months, fighting with a corrupt attorney named Gallagher in Texas, has made this whole experience one that I will not repeat, regardless of the amount of money… Money does not and nor has it ever bought happiness and these lawsuits are just not worth it to me… No I did not select this lawyer, I was assigned to him because of demographics… Never use this dude… Never been more disrespected as a disabled veteran ever, except by my own government… But that office is now out of the picture and the courts are making him earn his 35% of my settlement… They are making him do his job… Federal courts have a little more power than you realize… that is what scares the Trump organization….

You would think, with me pushing away the only sibling that has contacted me, by pushing that person out of the picture… dealing with recovery from a major operation and dealing with the courts… You would think I would be over whelmed and super depressed… Not happening…

Things changed when I woke up from my 58 year nightmare of lost memories because of a TBI given to me by my mother, FYI, she still lives… sadly…. Once I started getting my memories back and went through the last 10 months of remembering and exploring what had been locked away with Margie… the depression melted away…

Now weepy eyed I have been, won’t lie about it… but the doc, changed my meds for cholesterol and thyroid and both impact the brain by causing mild depression… chemical related… I recognize those symptoms and they may or may not go away… that is my chemical make up when it comes to man-made drugs… they ALWAYS impact my brain… ALWAYS….. But I am aware and that is so important when it comes to depression… being aware of what the cause or trigger is…

You can suffer a traumatic brain injury without the brain ever being touched… when you block out the trauma that you were exposed to or experienced… children have been known too, just like me… come out as adults and tell of the horrors they experienced inside christian homes…. There are so many of us out there that don’t even know we are missing memory, because they are not-self aware and chose not to explore the past… I was there once, many decades ago…. so glad I chose to grow, instead of stagnate….

It’s been a few months since I have had any symptoms of true depression related to my past or my illness…

I accept that I came from a home that was part of the U. S. Air Force and that my own government went out of its way to bury the truth about attempted murder at Webb AFB and Vance AFB…. I accept that I can not change what happened…. but I can expose the truth and not the governments version either….

What I do not accept, is silence…. the “Circle of Silence”… has to end, or we will be chasing our tails for an eternity…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..

Author: maggi9454

Domestic violence, rape and assault are not new in America or the world... but it is accepted in the highest offices of our government in America... The catholic church, in congress and the white house... you can use and abuse people as long as you can make everyone believe the words coming out of your mouth.... My body shows the evidence of domestic violence and Air Force cover up... I am just one among millions whose government was complicit in rape and domestic violence... Until women step up and vote with their voice... Men in power, will protect men in power and do it in the name of your god and country.... Your voice, your vote...