How Do I Know???

I was asked how I knew the memories were there and the fact…. that I could see them, so yea, I get it… Memory and the brain is the most confusing subject I ever read… and I been doing it for about 30 years of reading, not including all the psych testing, yada, yada, yada…

I know the memories are there because of how this whole mess started…. Nov 5, 2017… The murder of 26 innocence in Texas… Then Thanksgiving of same year and mother trying to bully me, by then, my memories had been coming back and boy howdy, she didn’t like my turning the tables on her… I kid you not, liars always trip themselves up, if you enable them, they will do it forever…. Fact… uh… Trump…

Anyway back to how I know about the memories not being gone completely….

When I talked to hubby on Nov 7, 2017 and I started talking about Big Springs, Texas… I could feel it, the fear, it was palatable and my skin became clammy and my heart rate picked up and I knew my eyes dilated and my breathing sounded like I was fighting for air…. and it hit, the memory of the violence after the birth of my half-sister… and I ran away… I couldn’t face my fear… I slammed the door shut on that memory… not Margie… I did it…

You know, what you say can come back and bite you in the ass and my words are doing just that… and that nibble on what little backside I got, is not comfortable….

Repressed memories, be it combat, domestic violence, rape, physical assault and you can name a million other things that can trigger repressed memories… a good portion of mine, I think, is because of seeing or being the victim of domestic violence… 

I realized I was afraid to face my fear of what happened… I was afraid to confirm what I already knew in my mind, heart and soul… that I have no birth family and that I came from a house that was and still is, steeped in superstition and man-made gods…. and that Margies life only meant one thing to any of them…. use and abuse…. nothing more, no love, no friendship… just hate against a little girl, whose only mistake, was to be born into a family of bat shit crazy… yea I could have used eloquent words, but you got to remember I am writing a book and some things need to be left for it…..

Tonight I expect it to be anything but restful and I am ready and excited and I can hear Margie warming up her vocal chords, because she is going to be singing her little heart out and I am ready and willing to hear her… Won’t be fun and if today was an indication of the emotional upheaval headed my way… can’t be any worse than the hurricane that is headed straight for my home… Olivia, an I thought that was a pretty name…. hope UPS drops off those ruby slippers, cause tornado’s are most possible this time… oh yea…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember… Margie…

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....