I got my answers…. my memories are home…

Tears streaming down my face, sobs escaping my lips… I got my answer… my aha moment on my memories… I can see them… All of them… I know now how to open them… but I am afraid as the tears flow without hesitating… I have my answer…. but fear is standing in my way…. but, I know what I have to do… do I have the courage to go there???

I know what is waiting for me…. it happened when I wrote about childbirth and Margies song… it triggered the aha moment… but I am afraid… and for good reason….

I take a deep breath and gather my courage, because that is what it is going to take… All of my courage… so, what is it???  What was the aha moment that opened up my memories and stopped them from being repressed…. Margie is jumping up and down inside me… my heart is racing and I am shaking, making it so very hard to write and see the screen through my tears… 

Tears of happiness and tears of fear…. I know what I have to do to get to the rest of Margies song….

I will have to relive every attack…. As with remembering the memory of what happened while I was at basic training… I relived that moment in time… the pain, the tears the sobbing in the billet at Travis, because I had to leave my children with people I didn’t know or trust… my mother and sister….

I will have to relive every memory of abuse… I will feel every blow and I will hear every word… it is my burden, because my mother and sister and brother refuse to let truth leave their lips… because they are afraid that I will remember all the ugly things they did, while the hide behind their god….

I will have to relive every attack, so that Margies song can be sung around the world…

I am afraid… Fear is the mind killer, I will face my fear and let it pass through me and only I will remain….

This will be the hardest journey I have ever walked as I dry my tears and calm my heart… I have to do this for Margies song….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…..Margie

Author: maggi9454

Domestic violence, rape and assault are not new in America or the world... but it is accepted in the highest offices of our government in America... The catholic church, in congress and the white house... you can use and abuse people as long as you can make everyone believe the words coming out of your mouth.... My body shows the evidence of domestic violence and Air Force cover up... I am just one among millions whose government was complicit in rape and domestic violence... Until women step up and vote with their voice... Men in power, will protect men in power and do it in the name of your god and country.... Your voice, your vote...