Which way did they gooooo….

Okie dokie, no seizures… my reading and training was dead on… now watch, the stupid phone will ring Monday…. kidding aside… what happens next or at least what direction will I take or the doctor…

Mike is planning to express himself about my headaches, gang up on the doctor type of scenario…

I can only get so much done through the VA and this private doctor is all about the dollars and un-necessary tests… so it will be a game of chess trying to get the MRI or PET or SPECT scan… think that is the name of them…

As for the memories… once I realized I was holding onto a romantic idea about my sister… once I let that go… everything I ever thought was true, turned out to be true… nothing I can do about facing that reality… sigh…………………

As for the other memories… I have no answer… I have gone as far as my knowledge will let me and with this lousy internet, research is more than annoying… so we wait…

We know we will be moving back to the mainland in the next 12 months… we are working on our house to make it extra pretty so it sells quickly… we know what kind of travel trailer we are getting and we also know that we are not going to find the house we want on the coast and on the east side, where the kids are at… it is looking more like buying land and putting a home on it that will accommodate our needs as our physical issues progress… I think I will be in a travel trailer for a while… this all takes time, putting in wells, septic and power and it has to be the warm time of year to dig in Okanogan county…

Stressed we are not, for once… I am content… I have gotten answers I have been fighting for since 1978 a year after going active duty….

My anger is subsided, though my health issues with answers is very annoying, it’s not life impacting… I got more out of these last 18 months with this doctor than I ever thought possible… so I have hope we might get one more answer before we move… do I have blood clots or scaring on the brain… that is my last medical question I have been pushing for since I knew there were tests to give those answers…. CTE, maybe a blood test that is accepted down the road… science for ever changing…

As for the memories… yes, the violent ones are repressed… Margie is showing me bits and pieces to ease me into remembering the horror of domestic violence… I have no desire to push her any faster….

Guess you could say… I am reasonably content with life and the answers I have gotten… my anger is becoming a thing of the past and my thoughts dwelling on what never was are also giving way to thoughts of the future and our new great grand son, soon to enter this world…

What they say about PTSD is true… once you own it, you are in control of the nightmares… you become the master of your brain once again and that light shining at the end of the tunnel becomes so bright, you need shades…. it is a good feeling and one I am embracing… I cannot change what was, nor can I fix anyone else… I can only share….

Margies Song….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember… Margie….

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....