It is very sad to see what is happening in Washington… But, I lived it… I experienced the corruption and the protection of powerful men, starting in 1968… U.S. Air Force cover up and they shipped my dad off to Japan to hide the scandal… but, my body shows the evidence of that violence… yet someone recently questioned me about it… sigh… I can only imagine how Dr. Ford feels and she is a professor of psychology… so I get it… many will not… Why, I do not have an answer for that….
You can always tell when someone else has been in your shoes in a manner of speaking… they have lived what you lived, but, their experience is different from yours, but you can still relate because you understand that part of the story that relates to your life…. TBI & PTSD, Domestic Violence and Rape…. you can tell when someone has been down this path…
What you can not tell, is how it impacts them… I can only tell you how all these subjects have impacted me and my will to survive it all and live my life on my terms….
Waking up from TBI, for me, the experience is bringing Margie back into my life that should have always been… but, Maggi had other plans and it was her way or the highway… Yet… Margie is winning out… her personality, her behavior, her empathy, her kindness, her giving, her lack of bigotry, her heart has always been there… Maggi just refused to allow it air, because of all the damage so many inflicted upon Margie… the big sister I never had, was myself… I so get bipolar people… only difference I was aware of the battle and winning was all that mattered at one time…
Now its about compromising and allowing Maggi to have her part in Margies life… it was after all Margies to begin with… Domestic violence and rape took much from Margie… Maggi helped make her whole once again….
It is sad that my own birth family did all they could to keep the dirty dark secrets that never were… it is sad that my own siblings helped with the cover up… to own your life… you have to accept the part you played and the choices you made…. It is even sadder that my own children took that influence and decided they had a right…. they never did… I gave them life, when I could have easily made my life easier by aborting the pregnancies… but I value life, even if they do not… thus it is with my birth family… blood is not thicker than water… but secrets are….
I chose my life… my birth family will have to find their own way through life… I have nothing more to give… they took without asking, they murdered without remorse, they lied, stole and cheated in the name of their warped morality… all the while preaching at me and judging me…. My mother could not look me in the eyes when I told her of my missing memory… she turned her back on me as we drove away in 2010… I have never seen her since…till she tried to manipulate me last year via email…. the tie is broken, never to be mended…
I chose my life of honesty, integrity, morales and values that are in keeping with society and not religion… I chose my life of doing what is right and keeping true to the person that Maggi and Margie created…. I chose to continue to fight to be heard….
I Chose Me….
TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell
I Remember… Margie….