Every day is new…

It is beyond weird what I am experiencing…. last night as I was going to sleep, I focused on a memory that had come back… the boob incident… you know, I can still hear the innocent laughter all of us kids, until an adult acted like the sky was falling… thusly with people who call themselves christians… an innocent childish act, turned into 7 deadly sins… I mean for real????

You really can’t fix stupid, when image is more important than life… been there and done that at Vance Air Force Base… the height of bigotry and cover up when it came to rape and attempted murder… not much different from what my mother tried to do to me over the boob incident… I wish you could see the expression on my face, its beyond incredulous….

I have to give my hubby credit… as the memories come up, I will just start talking out of the blue, like I grew a couple extra heads and get animated, talking about the memory…. I really did hope this Eidetic thing was wrong… but like I said that psychiatrist at El Paso… was good, he was really good…. and I don’t say that lightly….

As the memories open up like a flower just getting the first kiss of sun light… so it is with Margie’s memories… some are good, and no, there are not many that are good, but there are a couple… most, are violent and ugly, which is why they are buried, to protect myself….

I like this part of the ride… no fear, no crying or asking why… just sitting back and observing the people I once called family act out their behavior that they deny because of their god…. much like Trump and Kavanaugh… I know, the devil made them do it…. wow… just wow….

I made the mistake of going back and reading the psych eval from 1982 and 1998 and they were similar and stated that my pain was all in my head… and these people call themselves professionals…. The neuropathy started after the first assault around the age of 6… I have never known a day without pain… and these psych doctors… treat combat veterans… now you get why suicide is so high in veterans… incompetence at the source… and I am living proof… they couldn’t destroy me… I knew they were stupid and I was not… and that is a fact…. per the El Paso eval, above average intelligence…

My IQ number is not relevant… believing in myself is… and these doctors did all they could to destroy this woman…. and I won… they lose by the lies they put on paper about my health… now you get why I have no use for mental health… people lie, because they don’t like being told you are smarter than them… been there and done that… and some of those instances… I got the last laugh, literally…. I passed on joining the IQ club… 

Do I think I have issues in my brain… I have always known that… and just maybe this time I might get some answers… Self awareness did more than protect me, it helped me recognize how my brain worked and the uniqueness that I deal with in learning or conversing or just inter acting…

It may also explain why I have more balls than most men… My fear is not like the normal fear… mine comes from the past… the memories that are still dark and deep… so I have no problem stepping up for those who can’t… and one day someone will shoot me… literally….

Yes, I am curious about my appointment the 24th… 10 distinct reasons for abnormal brain waves… none, all that good, but some are life changing… I am keeping all body parts crossed for the top end of that 10 scale or just flat told they found nothing… but I know that isn’t so… I listen to my body… it’s what kept me alive, while so many in the health industry did all they could to kill this life…

America… not so great, when it comes to ethics, values, integrity and most of all the code of honor that is no more in the health care industry… I don’t think it ever was… it has always been about money… not people…. or I would have had answers decades ago…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....