Eureka!!!

Spent the evening running my mouth to the point my hubby is in bed and my brain is still going… and I successfully pissed off my doctor and left her bewildered at the same time… took me a while to explain to hubby why I handled the doctor the way I did…

When she told me the diagnosis I thanked her and started to hang up and she went off on a tangent… needless to say, one of the biggest issues I have with health care in America… doctors do not listen and make way to many assumptions…. and she did just that and on speaker phone… sigh… you can’t fix stupid…..

When I finally got her to let me off the phone she was bewildered with my final statement to her comments… thank you, just giving me that one piece of information is all I needed to know and she didn’t get it… because she did not listen when I tried talking before… yea I  come with loads of information and it’s not possible to take it all in… but if you listen, you can hear what is said…

In 2000 I was sent to the VA in Oregon to see a Neurologist and they tested me for Multiple sclerosis… The Contrast CT was negative for lesions or plaque deposits… so no MS and no Dementia… and I was sent home… I had forgotten about this test… I was so upset when we left that facility I buried the memory, because once again I did not get answers, just more questions… thus the doctor tonight not getting why the results of the EEG was all I needed to complete the picture for me… from my point of view….

The EEG shows that my brain produces abnormal brain waves… since I do not meet the profile for dementia, MS or Mood disorders… I do fit the profile for TBI… what does this mean…

It means that the doctor in 2011 gave me my answer and I never knew it… till now… PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Amnesia… the missing memories… the brain injuries I suffered as a child… the fact no one ever told me of any of the injuries that my parents did to me… left me in the dark for 63 years…  The brain waves are something I have tried to explain on so many occasions to doctors and they just look at me like I grew a 3rd head!!! But when the doc here accepted my ability to predict when an incident would happen, I knew I was on the right path and I was and I am…

I know I was not born this way… I know that up till the age of 8 or 9 my brain worked fine and the boob incident happened and my mother tried to kill me……. leaving me with a brain injury… that is when things started to change for me in the thought process and memory ability… it all went down hill… then at 13 another attack, then attacked again at 14 and 16… those ages are as close as I can get right now… until I get back to the mainland and do more research…. connect the dots on the places we lived at when things happened… funny I remember that, but not more specific stuff… it will be a fun road trip…. either in reality or via google maps….though Japan is not necessary, I explored those areas when I was there from 83 to 87…. Out of curiosity only, but the memory is fresh…

Regardless…. I know now what I have been searching for and I wish I could do a happy dance… but I have painting to do tomorrow, so we can get this house sold… I am excited… all  the worse things are out-of-the-way… all the life threatening issues are in the past… I know the truth…. The truth about my physical injuries and now the truth about my brain injuries… all at the hands of my birth family…. 

It just goes to show the human spirit can not be broken if you believe in yourself… even if everyone along the way did all they could to destroy it… in the end…. they never broke me… 

I won…. I am a survivor….. and I know why my brain does what it does… that is a gift beyond anything I could ever hope for…psychogenic amnesia… Is the source of my PTSD and not physiological…. As I said before… I am a work in progress… It just took a shooter in Texas on Nov 5th 2017 to wake up the memories… Hypnosis is my last hope  and write the final chapter of domestic violence in Margies song….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….

Author: Adorable Spite

Domestic violence is an old song, sung thru the ages like a hymn and purported to be the way christians live their lives... full of deceit, hate, bigotry and most of all fear... It is that fear that cost me my virginity, my soul and most of all my humanity... I had to fight to keep the christians hands off my soul, but they stole from my body and so did the U. S. Air Force... Rape and attempted murder... but image was more important... Vance AFB and Webb AFB... #WhyIDidntTell #MeToo TimesUP, Circle of Silence is no more....