PTSD… when you start to let it go…

I do not think I have said at anytime that the PTSD was gone… other wise why would I want to be hypnotized so I can see if I made memories of the attacks….

Could the abnormal EEG mean anything else… it can, but you have to fit the profiles of the category associated… and the only one I fit… PTSD from TBI and psychological trauma….

Will it ever leave me alone… I can not answer that, at this time… I know that since Nov 7, 2017… my sleep patterns have changed, I sleep longer before the ole bladder says wake up… we bought a real good bed, because Mike has RA… so in the sleep department… no issues, unless outside stimuli enters my world… like it did last night after the phone call from the doctor… and that is a behavior modification that I am working on, but, if I am right, the chemical I release in my brain during such moments, that is the thing I need to figure out how to control, instead of the brain doing it, my conscious mind needs to take hold of that kind of moment and deal with it differently… work in progress….

I haven’t had any nightmares and I now know why… I am having them during my wake time… I have written before about a memory that will flash before my eyes… you got it… PTSD moment, or better yet amnesia melting away…

Will I ever have full recovery of all that happened… only if that shrink was right about my eidetic ability… I think its more complicated than that… I think I encode memories different from what you may do… and that would be because the assaults happened at such a young age, my brain was constantly working to rewire itself… basically reboot like a computer… which is hilarious, I repair computers…. okay maybe funny to me only… but science has shown that we do rewire our brains and that is something I have told my hubby many things about… because if I had told anyone a couple of decades ago, I would have been called a nut case, instead… science is just catching up with what I have been living with since 1960, maybe earlier….

The brain… one of my most favorite toys and the most deadly… you can get lost in your own mind when you are trying to escape from the reality of domestic violence or war or rape….

I had a goal to work towards in my fantasy land… to free Margie… and hear her sing her song…. she is as free as she wants… humming her lullaby….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….