Friday Night Lights…

Friday night when the doctor called, all I wanted was from her mouth, exactly what the EEG results said… now don’t get me wrong, I probably could have got the same info from her clerk… so this is the issue I have with hearing, and again these people did not listen…in other words I couldn’t understand the clerk, my ears were bothering me… but its my fault, just a FYI on that….always my fault… sigh….

About 1996, after another major surgery, the ringing in my ears started and never stopped… it is so bad now… that I do not hold a phone to my ear, nor do I wear any type of head phones…. The ringing may be a result of the surgery and anesthesia, or thyroid medication or genetics or blunt force trauma… thus why I can not tolerate head phones… I was hit upside the head so many times, the nerve damage is hyper and my ears have always bothered me and you got it… other than the ringing in my ears, doctors found nothing… neuropathy… if only someone had listened…

With PTSD and TBI and abnormal brain waves, you fight a battle you will never win, because to win, someone has to hear you and 9 times out of 10… the professionals are more in line with apathy than the patient is… my doctor is one of those and that is disappointing… hubby heard the conversation on speaker, only witness I needed… him…

When the doctor went off on me, I knew she was stressed, over worked and I just happen to be the target… not the first time it has happened… the professional, anything but professional… and I am the one with mental illness…. sigh….

If that behavior had happened before and it did, so many times I lost count with VA and military doctors… they go off on the patient, instead of being a professional….. and that would be the last time I saw them… the doctor that is, be it mental health or medical… go off on me and we are done… that isn’t professional… that is mental illness… I said it before… mental illness is more pervasive than you can possibly imagine….

So the doctor I see here has changed the parameters of our relationship… her complaint, she sent me to every place I wanted…. not NEEDED… but wanted… keep in mind, major surgery in Feb to fix a VA fuck up… Mental health, because I got my memories back and thought it would be a good idea to get professional help and that was another joke… and neurology so they could confirm that I am losing the use of my muscles and the nerves are no longer functioning internally or externally…. sigh……. but these are places I wanted… not needed…. 

Now you get why I have no use for Americas health care system… I used Japans and Italy when I lived there… there they treat you like a human… not a bank account…. double sigh….

At least now I have all my answers that I have been trying to get since 1978…. Neuropathy is the end result to beatings by my mother and father and actions by my sister…. Mental illness… PTSD… due to blunt force trauma to the brain and psychogenic amnesia covers the repressed memories…

Thyroid and cholesterol are both genetic… I have no other health issues… the tachycardia, no one knows why it happened… just a reminder my heart works…

So in reality, I do not need anything else from this doctor while we live here… except blood work, to adjust the thyroid med, until it stabilizes…. its up and down, because of what my brain is going through…. I don’t get it all… but it is fascinating….

She will not get it when I go in the 24th and decline her tests…. because she did not want to listen Friday night when I tried to explain the CT scan in 2000 of the brain was negative and diagnosis of PTSD in 2011… she didn’t want me to talk… she wanted to complain about how difficult a patient I am… more tests will not change the diagnosis of PTSD… only my recovery can change that… and it looks more and more like this journey will continue without professional help….

and I am the one with mental illness…. must be why Trump is in office… you really can’t fix stupid… you just can’t….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….

 

Author: maggi9454

Margie was born into a typical christian military family... Her story is anything but typical... Domestic violence, rape, attempted murder and all done while my dad served in the U. S. Air Force and they buried the truth... then my own children impacted by Air Force cover up while I am active duty.... Rape, Attempted murder, domestic violence and discrimination in the name of the United States Government... and it is still happening as I write... just look at Trump, Kavanaugh and Thomas.... Circle of Silence is no more....