Working to settle the …

At one time it would have been chaos… trying to sort through everything going on around me,  being aware of everyone and their feelings and just leaving myself out in center field, looking for that hole to open up and swallow me…. our adult kids came home and that was one 3 ring circus, I wish I could repeat…. 22 years ago….

The most comforting part of this whole mess… my husband of 24 years… Mike….

Without him… I am not sure what direction I would have taken… but it would have been less grounded than it is now… support, without it, it is a struggle to win the battle against PTSD and TBI… I know, I tried it and it took this marriage to make me feel safe and secure, so I could let my guard down…. the process has taken its toll on both of us… but the reward is so worth it…. and he’s getting to know Margie… something my own children never bothered to do…..

I used to beat my head figuratively against the wall with my health care… from the day I was born until the early 90’s, the military was my health care provider and we can all see how good that was… then from that point on, it was private insurance and ultimately the VA… and we all see how good any of that care has been….

The head beating… beating myself up for the professionals not being able to be adult enough to do a job without losing their temper… or getting frustrated with the patient or a nurse telling you rude things just before major surgery…. I have only had one pleasant experience in health care…

Dr. Yee, a brilliant GynUrology surgeon who did my surgery in Feb of this year… first time anyone held my hand before knocking me out to be cut on in the OR… how I wish there were more empathetic people like her… 

Now its about the dollar and trying to cope with the government screwing things up even more… and I am so hoping they dissolve the VA and allow us private health care… then I can fire my doctor when they become obtuse and abusive…like the one now… and yes, she is a civilian doctor, but under VA contract….. so no I did not get away from government health care… which is why so many vets commit suicide… because the people who are supposed to help us…. attack us…. world weary sigh on that one…

I am lucky… the family did not destroy my brain, just handicapped it a little and I have spent my life learning all I can, so that when the opportunity presented itself… I would have my answers… It just took me a few months to remember the CT test in 2000…. coupled with the 2011 Pscyh diagnosis and the current EEG… they confirmed the psych testing done in 2011… officially its PTSD… I don’t meet the profile for any of the other illness’ associated with abnormal brain waves… if only the doctor had allowed me to talk… she would have this information right now…

Out of all the doctors I have seen in the last 5 years that are not in VA facilities… every one of them tell me the same thing… they have no clue what is in our medical records… the system is so screwed up, they give up and put the patient through what tests they can get approved and make their own diagnosis… not much help, when my VA records have 3 to 4 other service member records included in them, including social security numbers…. and I have read every ugly statement made by VA employees, thinking patients will never see their ugly, vulgar comments… but those of us who care… keep fighting such a corrupt system…. filled with bigotry and hate….

I get why the doc was upset… but I am the patient and it’s not my fault congress screwed everything up in their attempt to bankrupt social security and the medicare program… and those changes are now being implemented into CHAMPVA, CHAMPUS, and VA health care… all military related care for the service members and their dependents…

So in the end… the GOP got what they wanted… they bankrupt our country with the rich mans tax break… they cut health care so much across the board, they are impacting the people who protect this nation and the ones that built it….

Yep this weekend has been one hell of a ride and I hope it never ends…. but, I do look forward to that pillow every night… at one time I could not say that….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….

Author: maggi9454

Margie was born into a typical christian military family... Her story is anything but typical... Domestic violence, rape, attempted murder and all done while my dad served in the U. S. Air Force and they buried the truth... then my own children impacted by Air Force cover up while I am active duty.... Rape, Attempted murder, domestic violence and discrimination in the name of the United States Government... and it is still happening as I write... just look at Trump, Kavanaugh and Thomas.... Circle of Silence is no more....