Making new habits…

The psychology will tell you it takes a very short time to start a habit… but to break a habit… that takes much longer… depending upon how bad you want to break it plays into it also…

Every quirk, habit or saying… I question myself… when I do it… not when anyone else does it… nope, I am taking a very hard look at how I picked up those habits and what was the trigger, so that I can stop the cycle….

Snacking at night… not more than 100 calories, but still a snack… and the nightmare associated with that… once I faced the memory… the habit stopped, almost immediately… I still have the snack I always get into and its 2 months old… a little ole cracker…. still in the cabinet… like an old friend…

Exactly how the depression, or at least lets say the deep depression… the more I read and understand about the chemical part of the brain and its injury location… the more I get, why my brain does what it does… I think with understanding that and becoming more adjusted to the memories being in my waking mind… I think that is why the deep depression hasn’t been able to bother me…

Do I get blue, yep, who doesn’t… but surgery doc has me on a hormone creme med for 9 months… until its gone, I’ll get back to ya….

Behavior… poor kid at the lab missed my vein… so instead of getting pissed, I did the opposite and encouraged her to go for the other arm and told her about smoking weed and neuropathy and how it constricts the vessels and next time she gets a patient like me, she will nail the vein… she hit the other arm in one try… but boy did she move it around in the other one she missed… proud I didn’t puke…lol…

Changes… still say what I think… from what I have seen of my memories… I always did… in fact just before the Texas incident… sitting in the dinning room of the very house where Margie died… all us kids at the table eating and mom bitching at dad before he goes off to his part-time job after working all day on base… and she asked me this question and I think I said this verbatim….

mom… Margaret! why did your dad and I have to get married???

me… because dad got you pregnant with me… and all of us laughed…. except mom and dad… instead it was…

Mom… to me… you want to get slapped…. yep that was life in a nutshell in that christian home… she called me the brat as she stood their pregnant with another mans child…. yep I be one bad kid… and you know what… I never let that mouth go dry…. and I paid dearly for it once in a while… 

It still gets me into trouble today… 

Told you Margie was a minx….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….

Author: maggi9454

Margie was born into a typical christian military family... Her story is anything but typical... Domestic violence, rape, attempted murder and all done while my dad served in the U. S. Air Force and they buried the truth... then my own children impacted by Air Force cover up while I am active duty.... Rape, Attempted murder, domestic violence and discrimination in the name of the United States Government... and it is still happening as I write... just look at Trump, Kavanaugh and Thomas.... Circle of Silence is no more....