Clinical Depression….

When I read the report from my VA appeal in 2004… yep you got it another psych exam and bull shit doctors… by the way… I was made permanent 100% disabled veteran on that appeal…

Anyway… that dufus shrink said to me and I wrote about it… he said…”you don’t trust anyone, do you”?  I looked at him and said why should I???

He really didn’t have a response to that… needless to say, I never went back and saw him again… just another arrogant college educated moron who passed tests… but has zero brains…. makes ya wonder why some of them pursue the fields they do… they are so bad at it… hello… I am a prime example of their lack of ability…

The doc said in writing I have clinical depression… so I questioned that why am I depressed??? He couldn’t answer that… So I asked, how can I be depressed, if I don’t know I am depressed… again… no good answer….. so you get why I never went back to see him again…  put me on anti depressant and not tell me what the problem is, really???

I quit the meds after a while, I could tell they just made things a lot worse and by the time it was all said and done…out of the 10 medications the military had me on and the VA continued…. I take thyroid and cholesterol only and NSAID when the pain is an issue that I can not deal with….. and 2 of those drugs still mess with my brain… but necessary for quality of life… and probably the reason my ears ring like no tomorrow…. in stereo no less!!!

Since Nov 7, 2017… that depression that has walked with me, slept with me more than any man, per my numbers… not the families… they really do have a fantasy about my life… anyway it’s just gone… every day is new and behavior is new and I keep waiting for the shoe to drop and me go off on some tangent and nothing happens…. and hubby just smiles more….

If only my mother had told me the truth in 2010 in that kitchen I helped to pay for… I will always picture her, in that chair at the kitchen table, shoulders dropped and forward, head slumped on her chest and she became so small in that one moment…. and it hit me… the 3 assaults all before the age of 12 by her… and much more… and I still felt empathy for her… that was real stupid of me!!!

I will remember Don and his head bowed in shame and I will remember her head bowed in shame….

and I will never forgive the cruelty they did to a little girl……

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….

Author: maggi9454

Margie was born into a typical christian military family... Her story is anything but typical... Domestic violence, rape, attempted murder and all done while my dad served in the U. S. Air Force and they buried the truth... then my own children impacted by Air Force cover up while I am active duty.... Rape, Attempted murder, domestic violence and discrimination in the name of the United States Government... and it is still happening as I write... just look at Trump, Kavanaugh and Thomas.... Circle of Silence is no more....