Habit that I now get….

I have a habit, one that I am working hard to break and that takes me pushing my left side of my body to work harder to be stronger… had leg surgery in 11 to release the nerve that was strangled in my leg, causing me to fall… and you got it… because of domestic violence… they want to do the other leg, but I am opting for exercise to help that leg….

This issue I am referring too… has a picture connected to it… it is at Vance AFB housing… when I was recently divorced, again…. and I had gone down town to interview or had interviewed on base for a 2nd job… you got it… to pay for the divorce debt I got stuck with again… as usual…. hope those ex’s enjoyed my taking responsibility… they never did….

Anyhow… this is the picture and what is odd about it… the way I hold my left arm… I do that to this day… and it is never being used for anything…. I just hold it this way…. Now if you have been reading the blog and you saw the picture of the right and left arms, both swollen… the left one, got the worse of the beating…. that is the one that has the most muscle and nerve disconnect and the left leg, was the worse with its nerve damage….

All from being hit since the age of … year and a half to 18 years of age…. After I left home, no one ever laid another hand on me, except in rape… those were not violent… but still damaging….

VanceAFBHousing81

To this day, I catch myself favoring that arm… only because, I never got any kind of medical treatment after the beatings… and the one on Japan… was the one that changed everything and imprinted the memories of how glad my sister was, that I got that beating… I have been trying to place that look on her face for decades… I finally saw the full memory of before the beating, the actual beating and the after…. I will never wear Orange the rest of my life…. hate that color… you had to read the blog about that poncho…

I have no good memories without bad memories for my first 18 years…. Am I still angry… some… the heart doesn’t beat out of control, my respirations stay normal and I don’t feel my shoulders tightening up on me….

No, I feel a sadness… not for my siblings… they are adults… but for the children they never got to be… because one woman, whose own past was so twisted…. she created her world… a world that started falling apart on Japan…. and she plotted and is still plotting, because to her… it is all about her and nothing and no one else matters….

That is mental illness at its best… throw in a cult religion and you got the making of hell on earth and it is called a christian home…. I almost made the same mistake with my kids…

I may not be happy with my sons right now… but if they learned nothing else from their mother… be independent and find your path in life… live honorably and honestly….  every choice you make, molds the person you are……. and most of all… Own your life… only then, do you really start to live….

Life will always be about choice…. but not if religion is involved….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDiDntTell

I Remember… Margie….

Author: maggi9454

Margie was born into a typical christian military family... Her story is anything but typical... Domestic violence, rape, attempted murder and all done while my dad served in the U. S. Air Force and they buried the truth... then my own children impacted by Air Force cover up while I am active duty.... Rape, Attempted murder, domestic violence and discrimination in the name of the United States Government... and it is still happening as I write... just look at Trump, Kavanaugh and Thomas.... Circle of Silence is no more....