I have never taken for granted how good my life has been…. I have never taken for granted how different my life has been… I have never taken for granted that I do not have to live with just bits and pieces of my past… but, I get to remember all of my past…. I always could… I just had to want too….
Many times when I am talking with Mike, I will ask, do you remember this time in your youth and tell me stories of your childhood and give me details, and I will press and get lots of silence… and that is so very normal…. for him and almost every one else….
I also am terrified that the mechanism I put in place as a teenager after the Texas attack… is falling apart and terror is just the first emotion I feel, when I see the wall I built being taken down by Margie…
This special memory ability… scares me, only because it means all the protection I had in place to protect me from all the abuse before I was 18 years old is melting away…. an as it plays out in my brain… it is like watching skeletons come out of the closet, but this time its in the right time and space….
Not all has played out in video, showing me every minor detail… some of the skeletons, just have a picture attached to it, a hint of what the memory holds, because I am not yet to that time in my journey…. and then it will flip on me and go forward decades and bring up a good memory… so chaos, is just a small part of the picture, a very small part….
When talking with Mike this morning I told him I was lucky that I didn’t just have bits and pieces of my life to look at… I had all of my life to look at and the cold reality set in… that shrink at El Paso was right… I have some kind of eidetic memory and that may or may not be a good thing… I will get back to you on that…
I try not to dwell on what could have been, if my brain had never been injured… what kind of contribution to science or medicine could I have made… and I let it go… Christians and my parents made my choice for me when I was just a toddler… slavery is not dead in America…
I have to thank myself for fighting for survival and believing in myself… I have the life that most christians dream of… I live it based on ethics, morales, values, laws…. and most of all right and wrong… no labels… just walking through life-like any other human…. except this human…. gets all the strength and support they need by doing one thing every morning….
Look in the mirror….
TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell
I Remember… Margie….