PTSD… you know something, never heard of it, didn’t know anything about it until decades after my discharge… but the doctors knew about it and still missed it… says volumes for the mental health profession and explains why so many veterans end up six feet under… incompetence…. by military and VA health care… True story….
Last night was interesting, not in the fact that I dreamed, but how I dreamed… with the PTSD, it was toss and turn and wake up in a cold sweat or a scream on my lips or getting up and moving around like I am sleep walking, when awake… yet, PTSD… I am learning…. Keep in mind I never knew I had it until the VA appeal at El Paso VA in 2011 and they never notified me of the diagnosis… I found out by requesting a copy of the exam and the appeal paper work…
El Paso failed on so many levels and still is… they gave out my social security number in 2013…. 5 years after the feds put a regulation in place to protect us… so monthly credit monitoring I have been paying ever since… and they are the ones that screwed up….
Anyhow… the dreaming has changed… used to be I would wake up in a piss poor mood and it would show through the whole day and it would start all over the next night… this was a vicious cycle for 63 years… all because image and secrets are more important than my well-being… yep that is christians and government employees in a nut shell and people wonder why the government is so corrupt… hello, been going on since I was born, 64 years ago…. it’s called the head fake BS they spread and you buy into it…
As for the nightmares, again have not had one in so long, I think that part of this journey is over….
Now when I dream, I remember little bits of the dream, then the memory will come forward and I work to see if it is a real memory or just a dream… really not that hard to do… most of what I see, I always knew, it was just put to sleep for a while, so I could heal… the brain that is… not me… there is a difference…
I am looking forward to trying hypnosis upon our return to Washington and I get in the VA system there… it’s worth a shot… to see, if the one memory that I can’t see is buried or I didn’t make memories… I only have one memory left to see and that is Texas and only one specific part of that event is what I am looking for… everything else has come back and that has been challenging, trying to figure out how to put all that into a book….
If you have PTSD… and you know why you have it… unlike me, living most my life, not knowing… you have hope… you just have to want to face the nightmare that is stealing your life… I choose to face mine, not knowing what I was getting myself into and the journey since Nov 7, 2017 has been beyond my wildest dreams…. why….
I remember… Margie…. I remember… me… I always had hope that the little girl I once knew would be found an she has… Welcome home Margie, you have been missed…..
TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell