When I was a kid, around the age of 6, we bought a trailer and my lil sis and I had bunk beds… being the oldest, I got the top bunk… and that cost me dearly with multiple head injuries being dumped on the floor in the middle of the night from the top bunk and yes, there was a guard rail… but for some reason it got moved and I ended up on the floor on my back in my sleep and hit the back of my skull so many times… the bone scans done as an adult, show an increased uptake of remodeling in the area of the occipital part of the back of the skull above the brain stem… ya know, is it any wonder I have abnormal brain waves… hello!!!
You could say the abuse by the person who dumped me on the floor was probably encouraged by the mother… as the memories opened up the last few days… I see mom and sis, huddled together on the couch and other places and mom telling sis, just how she should act towards me… ya know… it is really sad mother envied a child that she gave birth too… must be that christian halo that made her so beyond special???
The uptake in my skull was an indicator of Paget’s disease, its French in case you are curious… they believed that so much the Air Force shipped my husband to March AFB, and we just signed up for 4 more years on Japan… there is a specialist in Pagets at the San Bernadino VA and he took one look at me, and said, “I don’t know what you have, but Paget’s is not it”… and that is the last time I went to the VA in San Bernadino… I went to work for USDA and used private care for a few years… and ended up in Washington state were I met my hubby of 24 years….
All this time, I am still on the medication the Air Force had me on and I am sleeping, but not natural… it is drug induced… which always triggered restless leg syndrome….
Sleep did not start out as a problem… as a kid, I played myself to exhaustion… anything to keep me out of the house and away from my mother and sister…. the tattle tell….
By the time I hit the military… again, I was working, taking care of kids and most of the time working 2 jobs… so sleep, didn’t really become an issue until the 2000’s….. and why is that…
Remember, I wrote about the trip to Arkansas to see the family after 13 years apart…. and when we returned home to Washington… I quit the drugs the Air Force had me on and that was the beginning of the issues with sleep…. lasted about 15 years all said and done…
Then I tried the magnesium Dr. Oz recommended… and it worked… one hour before bed and I am sound asleep… doesn’t always stay that way, but lately… it’s get up once go potty and back to sleep, no munching, no drink, no nothing… just back to sleep and I contribute that to the PTSD fading into the background of my existence….
Keep in mind, the only thing I do, is smoke pot… no alcohol, no cigs… no drugs… just using natural stuff and working on the brain and the PTSD….
To wake up and not feel the tightness in my TMJ is so nice… the jaws were really tight and made eating difficult and painful….
When I sleep, it’s not tense… I don’t wake up with tight shoulders, or a headache or tight TMJ or tight muscles, where I couldn’t stretch without cramping… it all plays together in recovery… and sleep is the most important part of it… without it… the brain gets even more confused and that makes everything about illness worse….
I can see the blue of the sky as the sun rises and it cast a blast of colors across the sky and that is the way my soul feels… a kaleidoscope of feelings, enjoying just being alive….
There is hope for PTSD…if you know why you have it… facing it, will be harder than any journey you have ever taken… be it combat, accident or domestic violence… facing the PTSD was the hardest thing I did… but the reward is so worth it…. because in the beginning Margie was lost….
Now she is found….
TimesUp #MeTo WhyIDidntTell
I Remember… Margie….